Special messages to some of my most frequent search terms:

anal barn - an oldie but a goody. No wait…the opposite. A badie. Seriously, anal barn? Is this like Dress Barn? Where you can buy all things butt related cheaply and also in plus sizes? Or is this just a really really clean barn? I am confused.

fuck me grandpa - go…to…hell…right…now

man nipples/male nipples - is this really a fetish? I get alot of nipple related searches, and really, I don’t think I blog about nipples all that much. I’m not sure where this traffic is coming from. Of course, I’m not helping the matter, here. NIPPLES! OODLES OF NIPPLES!!!

and some recent soon-to-be favorites:

i love cum - good for you! I made you a button!

funny grieving pictures - yeah, wasn’t it HILARIOUS when mom couldn’t stop crying? Asshole.

what do i say when i m trying to tell a grocery store their doing a good job with their tv commecials - uhhh…wow. I’ve never really been that blown away with a grocery store commercial, but…i think maybe a nice letter would work.

ll bean employees wedding gift - nothing says honeymoon romance like flannel sheets!

what are some good cheerleading banquet centerpieces - uhhh…I’m no martha stewart, but maybe…pompoms?

where is the best place on your back for a chinese symbol tattoo - the more important question to ask yourself here is “am I chinese?” Because if the answer is “no,” then the answer to your question is “nowhere.” People who get chinese or japanese symbols tattoed on themselves and who are NOT chinese or japanse, are tools. Plus, it probably won’t really say “fierce warrior,” like you wanted it to. It will probably say “takes it in the ass” because real life is funny like that.

leaking semen after cumming - if you are referring to your penis, you’re probably OK. If you’re talking about…say…your ear? maybe you should seek medical help. Or be suspicious of your roommate.

breaking in circumcised lube - do they make special lube for circumcised guys? I had no idea!

petite suits size 2 and under - HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAA! Boy have YOU come to the wrong place!

desperate housewives song da dadada dada - ohhhh yeaaahhhh…the da dadada song. I sincerely hope you sung that out loud to google as you hit search. Because that helps the results.

be proud of your dick - dick power!

how to give myself a cum shot - oooookaaaay….I guess…first you find a willing guy and a syringe…

he nodded as he passed me my glass of juice - i hope it was cranberry juice. that’s my favorite.

will things ever go right for kevin and sadie - Oh, they get along FINE! Don’t you worry about it. He complains about the dog hair, but he does really love her.

shut the fuck up about your wedding - hey, it’s MY GODDAMN BLOG and I can write about my FABULOUS WEDDING whenever I DAMN WELL PLEASE!

my aging chihuahua is puking - take it to the vet. Oh wait, you specified “aging.” that’s kind of funny. Most people might say “old,” or just “my dog is throwing up.” Anyway…shoot it.

electric toothbrush masturbation danger - dude, just splurge for a real vibrator, ok? I think fluoride might burn.

everything’s just lemon scented fucking swell - awesome! I’m going to use this the next time someone asks me how I’m doing!

dog stares int space and will not eat throw up smells like dog poop - well, he’s probably been eating dog poop. Now, tell me, and this is VERY IMPORTANT! Is he an…aging chihuahua?

giving blow jobs when you are sick - nothing more sexy then adding copious amounts of mucus to the experience

why do girls get ankle tattoos - julie? you want to field this one?

science experiments/how glass is turned into rubber - can…can you do that? because that’s really kind of cool!

the scariest website i have ever visited - awwww…I’m not so scary!

online dating tips for internet dating he doesnt call for days - yeah…he’s not gonna. Next time, don’t suck his dick on the first date, mkay?

cleanup after a creampie facial - I think Revlon makes special wipes for this

i need to find away to get a good masterbation but i need to use stuff at home my mom is really protective help me - errrrmmmm…crisco and the JCPenny’s catalog? and then maybe start looking for an apartment.