cum. jizz. spunk. baby-makers. primordial ooze.

Whatever you call it, it’s just ejaculated sperm. And guys…are OBSESSED WITH IT!

Why??

Really, I’m asking. Why? It’s a teaspoon of goopy stuff coming out of your dick. Now granted, I know the feeling going along with it is just great. Orgasm is great. Who doesn’t like orgasm? No one, that’s who! If we could orgasm all the time*, we’d never leave the house.

*this is a joke. It is not my intent to belittle the suffering of those with DOD. It is a terrible, terrible infliction. My sympathies go out to those it affects, and their families.

Anyway, we can all agree that orgasms are great. But ejaculation is just the messy side effect. If you are trying for a baby, it’s neccessary. And if you’re a woman giving a blow job, it’s the sign of a job well done

But guys, I REALLY hate to break this to you. Women…don’t care. Don’t care about your cum. Don’t care about the amount. (so stop sending me spam about increasing the amount, OK?) We might care about the taste, but the sight of it doesn’t make us cream our panties. But you…YOU are obsessed with it. Every porno…EVERY porno**, ends with a money shot of some kind. Not the guy coming in a condom, or balls deep in a pussy…but with a pull out and a facial or errr…boobie shot. You LOVE the sight of sperm. even if it’s ANOTHER GUY’S SPERM! You must think there is some kind of magical power in it? And you just can’t seem to get it through you heads that girls. Don’t. Care.

**OK, probably not every porno. There’s those creampie ones, but even there, there is a clear view of the spunk. Why do you need to look at it? Is it like after you take a shit, and you turn around and check it? Yep! There it is! Go me!

It’s messy and sticky. It is not sexy to have it glopped on our breasts. Or dribbled on our foreheads. It stings a bit. And makes the hair sticky (that scene in “What About Mary” is not a joke). It’s not that it’s terrible, it’s not. But while we might allow you to do these things, please don’t act all shocked and offended with the sight of it oozing down our chest and on to the clean bedsheets doesn’t make us spasm with glee, as it obviously does you. Those girls in the porno? Who lick their lips as the slimy spunk inelegantly leaks down their cheek? They are ACTING. The ones that rub it orgasmically all over their breasts? ACTING! They do that because they are getting PAID to do that. Those of us who are NOT getting paid for it are not so thrilled. For all those reasons listed above.

So if every once in a while, your girls lets you come all over her face, be grateful. And don’t whine and beg and wheedle every damn time you’re in bed together for her to let you do it again.

And ANOTHER thing, if you get a blowjob, and she takes a mouthfull for you, you just shut your goddamn mouth about whether or not she swallows. That is HER decision. Once that spunk has left it’s home, you no longer have a say in it. Your satisfaction has been achieved. Whether or not she enjoys it as a midnight snack, or discreetly spits into a kleenex, just shut up and be glad you got a blowjob! There are millions of guys out there NOT getting blowjobs, who would KILL to have a girl LOOK at their dick, let alone wrap their lips around it.

So guys, give it up. It is not sacred. It is not liquid gold. It is not precious or special or wonderful. I know you’re proud of your little creation, but please don’t expect the rest of us to be.

And btw, this is most certainly not aimed at anyone in particular, least of all my dearest sweetie. I’m just getting sick of reading guys blogs whining about how their girlfriend/wife/bar hookup doesn’t treat their cum like the fucking elixer of life. IT’S NOT! GET OVER YOURSELF!