Ikea: selling furniture for college kids and divorced men.
click on “download the mp3″ to hear it. totally worth it.
Monthly Archive for September, 2006
AAAAARGH! PvuI? who the fuck uses PvuI? NO ONE, THAT’S WHO! STUPID NEB FREEZER! Normal people need PvuII. DO YOU HEAR THAT, NEB? YOU ARE OUT OF YOUR MINDS! FUCKING PVUI???? NO! BAD STOCK FREEZER! BAD!
I hate you.
two words I have never heard put together until today:
“ukulele virtuoso”
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the kindness of strangers
at home depot:
ESC: excuse me, what amp err…level is this wiring?
HomeDepotGuy: 15
ESC: KEV! 15!
Kev: see if they have 20
ESC: do you have 20?
HomeDepotGuy: probably…give me a minute
Kev: I THINK I HAVE IT IN STORAGE, LET’S JUST GO THERE
ESC: I am NOT digging through storage for wiring! we only need a few feet!! how much could it be?
RandomGuy: how much do you need?
ESC: KEV! HOW MUCH DO WE NEED?
Kev: UHH…5 FOOT?
RandomGuy: Hell, I think I have that much in scrap in my truck, if you want to wait a few minutes..
ESC: really???
RandomGuy: yeah, sure. I’m an electrician. I have scraps of that stuff all the time.
ESC: you are awesome.
*
at Lane Bryant
ESC: excuse me, do you have any skirts here that are brown? I’m looking for something that would match this top.
Saleslady: Hmmm…no….wait. We JUST got something in…it’s a leather skirt.
ESC: OK, this is for my rehearsal and rehearsal dinner…
Saleslady: oh, no, it’s gorgeous! it’s long and very classy looking. we just got it out of the boxes today, it’s in the back, let me show you.
waiting…
Saleslady: see? isn’t it beautiful?
ESC: is IS beautiful…it won’t match the top…but I bet that I can find something to match the skirt…wait…how much is it?
Saleslady: uhh…$149
ESC: crap. I’m trying to keep the whole outfit less than that.
Saleslady: do you have the 40% off coupon?
ESC: OH SHIT! yes! no! I think I threw it away! oh no! I am an idiot!
Saleslady: I have one I can give you, not a problem
Long slimming, bronze leather skirt + simple black cami+ soft black wrap* to wear over it all = $131 with coupon.
awesome.
*OK, yes, in a PERFECT WORLD, I could have knit this. But DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME FOR THAT? DO YOU??? For $40 (less 40%), I’LL TAKE IT THANK YOU!
Kev gets himself a bowl of cereal to snack on and walks into the living room and goes to sit on the couch next to me
ESC: goddammit.
Kev: what?
ESC: just…nothing…godDAMIT!
Kev: *getting upset now* what? what did I do?
ESC: it’s just…
Kev: ???
ESC: OK, you are in that other bedroom for FUCKING HOURS playing that game, and I’m in here by myself, and then just when I think it’s safe to fart because I’m alone, and let out a big one, THAT’S when you decide you want to come in here and snuggle EVERY DAMN TIME, and then you’re all “goddammit did you FART?” and get mad at me and it’s NOT MY FAULT because YOU WERE IN THE OTHER ROOM, DAMMIT!
Kev: *laughing so hard he needs to lean against the wall to support himself*
ESC: EVERY DAMN TIME! SHUT UP!!!
Kev: Oh my god, that’s too funny.
ESC: uh huh.
Kev: *sits down on the couch next to me* sniff sniff Hey, did you just FART in here?
ESC: shut up
Via BoingBoing, I found this post, which pissed me off to no end. It’s weird, though, considering how “red” my state is, I had no trouble getting PlanB, which I’m assuming is the same thing as EC.
Then from the comments in that post, I found this post about a safe herbal method to induce menstration after missing a period. Huh! So I got pissed off and learned something useful all at the same time!
