Evilsciencechick

Mostly for the ladies, but I’d like some male input as well.

Why do I do these interactive posts on friday, just before the weekend when everyone stops reading blogs and commenting? Maybe I’ll leave this up for a while.

OK, I am getting married in 6 WEEKS OH MY GOD!!! One MAJOR decision I have to make at some point is…my last name.

On the one hand…I’ve had my last name for a long time. I’ll be thirty in December, so almost thirty years of the same last name. My relationship with that name has been rocky, it’s often mispronounced, and it’s easy to make fun of. Though growing up, most people made fun of my first name, and it was my brothers who bore the brunt of the taunting for the last name (those of you privy to my last name can probably figure out why).

But…I’m proud of that name. It’s my family. And though there are some members of my extended family that I’d rather not have to deal with…dammit…I love my family! And there have been long years of emotional and financial support, putting me through college and grad school, that it would almost be a slap in the face to say “OK! Now I’m Dr. [Kev's last name]!

On the OTHER hand, getting married means becoming part of a new family. And I have been so lucky in that Kev’s family has welcomed me as a member of the family, almost since the first time I met them. Though we come from very different backgrounds, they have embraced me as one of their own. I want to be able to honor that, and symbolize that I have indeed become a member of their family by taking their name.

The OBVIOUS answer here, and the one I’m sure everyone is thinking, is “gee, why don’t you just hyphenate?” Which is definately a possibility. While both of our names are unique, they don’t sound all that terrible together. It’s not like we’re both Polish and have 12 sylable names containing many W’s and Z’s.

However, at least one person in my lab who has a hyphenated last name has warned me off of it, saying that having a hyphen in your name is a major PAIN IN THE PATOOTY, as credit card companies and the like have a difficult time recognizing the hyphen. Which to me just seems silly, because I know ALOT of people who have hyphenated names, and it seems like these companies need to get with the times.

One of our post docs kept her maiden name. However, privately she is known by her maiden name, as she lives in the conservative, family oriented suburbs (much to her chagrin at times - it’s the county that used to have the warning lable on science books in the schools “WARNING! THIS BOOK CONTAINS INFORMATION ON EVOLUTION, WHICH IS A THEORY, AND THEREFORE IS BLASPHEMOUS AND OFFENSIVE TO JESUS!” or some shit like that) call her by her married name, because that is her husband and children’s last name, and by gosh that must will be her name too! I suppose it’s easier to accept it than to keep correcting them.
I’ve already emailed my advisor. She hyphenated, but I think in her private life just goes by her married name.

Of course, my data pool could be biased. Alot of women in science seem to hyphenate or keep their maiden name. The reason for this, I’ve been told, is that it becomes difficult for people to search for all your papers if you’ve published under two different names. Hyphenating solves much of that problem. So it could be that hyphenating is extremely rare and weird in the “real” world.

So I’m throwing this out to blogland. Women! Married women! Did you keep your husband’s name? Keep your maiden name? Hyphenate? Create some weird hybrid of the two? Why? And have you had any problems with this decision? - ie, credit cards, SS cards, taxes, PTA meetings. If you had to do it all over again, would you make the same decision?

I’d also like the input of the single girls, if this is something you’ve thought about already.

AND, I’d like the opinion of men. What did your wife decide, and were you supportive? Or hurt? Was there any familial backlash if she decided to keep her name or hyphenate?

I must gather data before making my decision!!!!