Evilsciencechick

all up in MY girl parts

Yesterday, as anyone who follows my twitter knows, I stayed home with a URINARY TRACT INFECTION. Monday I started noticing the urge to pee more with a slight weird feeling DOWN THERE, which I dismissed as lingering after affects of YEAST INFECTION!!!OMG!!! last week.

today’s blog post brought to you by TERRIFYING DEATH VAGINA! JESUS CHRIST, GET IN THE CAR IT’S A DEATH VAGINA!

I made a mental note to maybe go see my doctor the next morning and went on with my day. That night the weird feeling turned into throbbing and pain and sadness, and I informed Kev that if he truly loved me, he would drive me to walgreens for the AZO stuff that turns your pee orange and makes the pain go away. He was initially reluctant, but then when I kept going on about PAIN! IN! VAGINA REGION! and threatened to go into detail, he got his keys.

I made it through the night and the next morning made a beeline for my doctor’s office, who confirm the diagnosis and sent me on my merry way with a prescription for cipro, to apparently kill the anthrax that had taken up residence in my urinary tract.

Then I went home and drank cranberry juice and thought up of creative ways of describing my urine for the rest of the day (”marigold sunset”).

As most people who have met me know, I have no verbal filter. Basically, when I meet you, if I decide I like you, you are immediately in my inner circle and I will share intimate details about my life with you. “Hello, I’m Regan. Let me tell you about this weird mole on my butt…” * Of course you want to know these things, you’re in my inner circle! What was your name again?

* just kidding, there’s no mole on my butt. it’s on my groin**

**no it isn’t.

Because of this, and because I’ve never worked in an environment where there was such a thing as “oversharing,” I have blurted out my condition to almost everyone at work today. Women, at least. Give me some credit. Typical conversation in bathroom:

I flush and leave stall, joining coworker at sinks

coworker: Is it time to go home yet? Hahaha!

ESC: I know, right? I’m so busy trying to catch up. I was out yesterday.

coworker: *drying hands* oh really?

ESC: yeah, I had a UTI.

coworker: oh…that sucks…

ESC: yeah, geez, I hate those things. so painful, right?

coworker: *edges towards door* yeeeeeeah…

ESC: doctor gave me cipro! haha! like I have anthrax!

coworker: *clawing desperately at door handle* GLAD YOU’RE FEELING BETTER, BYE!!!

ESC: *shouting after them* AND MY PEE IS STILL ORANGE! HAHAHA! SO WEIRD, RIGHT?

No one ever invites me to eat lunch with them. Not sure why.