Evilsciencechick

Kev: my elbow still hurts. is it red?

ESC: yeah, a little

Kev: wow…feel the heat coming off of it

ESC: yep, definitely not good

Kev: I think it might be what you had a while back, on your leg?

ESC: possibly

Kev: yeah I think I might have mastitis

ESC: …

ESC: uhhh…do you know what mastitis is

Kev: yeah…wait…what? no…

ESC: HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!

Kev: it STARTS with an M, doesn’t it?

ESC: HAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

Kev: shut up

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Today we decided to go see Pirates of the Caribbean at the cheapie theater, and then have dinner out. Since I’ve decided to be somewhat girly lately, I decided to wear a skirt - though it’s dark sage green, so it’s not TOO frilly. I paired it with a purply camisole and a matching green cardigan (it was somewhat warm today). When it was time to go, I realized I had a footwear problem. It was too cool for sandals, especially since we would be out until dark, when it gets cold. But I wasn’t about to put on pantyhose.

Quickly, I grabbed the socks Julie knit me, which ended up matching PERFECTLY…but I still didn’t know what shoes to wear. Kev was getting impatient, so I put on the black loafers.

Kev: No one’s gonna care

On the way to the theater, I realized that earlier, when the skirt pocket (a pocket! in my skirt! so handy!) had caught on a piece of furniture, it had torn a hole.

Kev: do you want to go back?

ESC: *sigh* no. it’s not so noticeable.

*looking over my outfit: ripped skirt, slubby cardigan, funky knit socks, and black loafers*

ESC: I look like the “before” person on “what not to wear”

Kev: hehehehehe

ESC: I can hear Stacey and Clinton now…”your skirt is RIPPED! what were you THINKING? and what is up with those SHOES??? You’re almost 30 and you’re dressing like a teenager!”

I am a fashion failure

**************

and…FINALLY…

I just spent AN HOUR knitting swatches on various sized needles, trying to get the right gauge for a pattern…finally found one that worked, and started knitting…only to see this at the top of the instructions:

“This pattern is worked with two strands of yarn held together throughout”

GAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

dammit.

********************

AND NOW A BONUS MORONIC TALE OF HORROR!

Scene: this morning, getting ready for church

ESC: hmmm…i have 10 extra minutes!  score!  i can make a bagel!  Ok…where is that small bread knife…dammit…did i put that in the goodwill box?  *sigh*  OK, I’ll grab the wusthof bread knife for this weeny bagel and I’ll just get through this…

YEEEOUUWWWCH!

Kev: from bedroom - What?  What happened?

ESC: goddammit I cut my thumb on the goddamn bread knife.

OK, irony moment.  I registered for and received a nice selection of Wusthof knives.  They are great, and they are SHARP.  My mom got me the starter set, and in addition, bought me this metal “finger guard” for when you’re chopping vegetables, to protect the fingers on your left hand while you hold said veggie.  I haven’t used it yet, but let me just say that my knives are WICKED sharp.  A huge chef’s knife.  An evil looking boning knife.  A small but deadly paring knife, etc etc, you get the picture they are ALL VERY SHARP.
and WHAT do I slice the knuckle of my thumb WIDE open with?

THE FUCKING BREAD KNIFE!!!

I soaked through an entire paper towel, before Kev and I managed to get a small bandaid wrapped TIGHT around the knuckle, followed by a BIG bandaid wrapped around my entire thumb, adding more pressure, and keeping my thumb from bending, which would just open up the wound again.

I told myself if I had bled through both bandaids by the end of church, I would just go straight to the hospital for stitches.  fortunately, it didn’t come to that.

later:

Kev: how did you DO that, anyway?

ESC: I don’t know…I guess I thought the bagel would put up a little more resistance for the knife…

Kev: you have to start out slow, THEN really wale into it…you know….like sex.

ESC: WHAT???

Kev: HAHAHAHAHA!!!

ESC: I’M BLOGGING THAT!

Kev: HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAAAAAA!!!