Ack. I’ve been bad about responding to comments. Usually I blog throughout the day, answering comments at will. But now I only have time to log in at night.

Another exhausting day today. Went shopping with Kevin and Mom. He wanted to buy shoes (tax free in PA, miss that in GA :P) I bought shoes, sandals, and a new bl…

(GAAAAAH! Big black spider crawling next to me! GAAAAAAH! Kevin took care of it. My hero
where was I? A new blender, in black. We’ve had the worst luck with blenders, they always break pretty easily. This one is glass and metal and seems pretty heavy duty. It was $32, and just couldn’t pass it up!

The on to Sam’s club for new tires. I have the best mom ever - she paid.

Later, on to K-wood park! Yay!

It’s hard to explain K-wood to those who have never been there, and haven’t grown up in pittsburgh. K-wood is an amusement park. It’s very old, and it has a nice blend of new rides and historic rides. Kevin likes it there because it’s cheaper than Six Flags.

But for those of us that grew up going to K-wood for school picnics and family gatherings every year, the park holds a very deep emotional attachment.

See that tree over there? Jenni used to sit there when the rest of us rode the pirate ship - it made her sick. Every time the ship swung up high so we could see her, we’d all yell “JENNI!!!” and embarass the hell out of her.

See that rock over there? In 8th grade, that’s where we saw Becky’s boyfriend Brian kissing Jennifer A. It was the scandal of the year.

Of course, things change. They turned the Haunted Hidaway/Old Mill ride into something called “Garfield’s Nighmare,” which is a cute 3D boat ride in the same building. I made Kevin kiss me for the picture that they take (so you can purchase it for the low low price of $7 after the ride) because the Old Mill was always the traditional “make out” ride and I never had anyone to make out with on it before.

I realized I can’t reclaim my youth at K-wood, because about an hour after eating a cheeseburger and greasy fries, we thought it would be a good idea to ride The Volcano (formerly The Enterprise), which is a ride that goes in circles and then goes upside down. I used to LOVE that ride when I was a kid. The effect it has on me now is much different. I didn’t throw up, but I came darned close. So no more fast circular rides for me for the rest of the evening!

Rode every roller coaster, though. I LOVE roller coasters! Love the Jackrabbit, with it’s double hump hill which practically throws you out of the seat. Love the Racer, even though I’m ALWAYS on the losing coaster.
Love the Phantom’s Revenge, SO much better than the old Steel Phantom, which shook you around so much that you left with a headache.

We watched the Fall Fantasy parade. My old high school wasn’t marching today, I think they do it wednesday or thursday. But still it was fun to watch the bands. I miss marching band sometimes. Sometimes.

I bought a T shirt and some cotton candy to bring home to share with my mother.

I am very very tired. We have no real plans tomorrow, except dinner with my great aunt and uncle. I’ll try to sort through those pictures then. Maybe go visit my brother’s grave in the afternoon. It will be nice to have a day off on my vacation! We have to take Sadie to the boarding place tomorrow night, though, as we’re leaving for Ohio on thursday pretty early on thursday. Poor Sadie. Wish I could disguise her as my ugly hairy child and take her with us!

Yay vacation! Kev and I made the trip in 12 hours, including pit stops. My parents were none too thrilled (”were you going 90mph????” “yeah, a little…”)

Today we celebrated my mother’s birthday. We at a big lunch at the new Cheesecake Factory in the south side. I’ve been to the one in atlanta a few times. Mmmm…their food is soooooo good! I had the tiramisu cheesecake. There was a free concert festival at point park, featuring Reba McEntire, so we went to that next.

Something you should know about pittsburghers. ELo, back me up: if you provide free entertainment, booths serving fried food, and fireworks, you are guarenteed to get the bulk of the city of pittsburgh to show up.

We set up chairs and listened to the opening acts as the sky slowly darkened with threatening clouds. We only had three folding chairs, so I stretched out on the blanket and took a short nap - I was sooooo full from lunch.

My parents and I are…eh…about country music, but the big entertainment is the people watching. Whoa…the trash was out en force tonight. There was a girl sitting in front of us for awhile that really killed me.

Now, I am overweight. I know this. I know that I am beautiful. I realize that while I am free to wear whatever I choose, I will look my best in clothes that flatter my figure. So I wear things that emphasize my breasts and de-emphasize my tummy. This girl must have been close to 400 lbs. She was wearing…wife beaters (for those that don’t know, “wife beaters” is slang for men’s tank undershirts). Which were very tight on her, revealed all her lumpiest parts, and when she sat down, exposed at least half of her back, and the ugly tattoo on it. Whoa.

Later, three men sat in front of us rolling cigarettes and smoking them Bleah! A girl walked by wearing a low cut white shirt that was wet, and her blue lacy bra was clearly visible. Did I mention she looked about 16?

Later in the night, the Elvis impersonators walked by. God, I wish I had remembered to bring my camera. The first guy was about 5′3″, big poofy black wig, full beard, and HUGE beer gut. He was wearing the white Elvis costume circa 1972, with the…well…remember “the dress” worn by J. Lo a few years back? Well, it was cut like that, exposing his huge, hairy, beer gut. The other Elvis with him was a scrawny black guy who’s costume sort of hung limply on him. They passed in front of us, and Kevin moved our blanket out of their way. The first Elvis turned to look at him. “thank you, thank you very much.”

My dad announced that it made the entire concert. We all agreed, after we stopped crying from laughing so hard.

We decided not to stay for Reba’s whole set, as 1. we saw heavy lightening in the distance, and 2. the thought of fighting the crowd to get out of there was not at all appealing. We would miss the fireworks, but it seemed the best plan. Just as we got back to the van, the sky opened up and sheets of rain drenched everyone who didn’t take cover in time. yay! Good timing.

So now we’re just watching a Bond movie and snacking on leftover pizza. Tomorrow we visit some relatives, and maybe later get some new tires for my car at Walmart (parents are picking up the tab, because I am P-O-O-R and pathetic) as my tires are dangerously bald.

Some people go to beachy exotic places for vacation, but I doubt they had fat hair Elvis impersonators!!!

There is no dumber phrase ever uttered in a funeral home

Before they left for Scranton, mom went through grandma’s closets to find something to bury her in. Grandma had closets and closets of clothes, all of which she paid no more than a quarter for. No dresses. Nothing my mom deemed “appropriate.” So she went to buy a dress for grandma.

“make sure it’s on sale,” dad said. “or she’ll come BACK!”

Mom bought a dress that grandma never would have bought herself.

As we got ready to leave for the funeral home, mom said “they say this is supposed to make you feel better, but I can’t see how.” I agreed

My feeling is, once you are dead, you are gone. What you leave behind is a shell. What was waiting for us at the funeral home was no longer my grandma, but her shell. And instead of having my last memory of her being alive, I will have a memory of what her empty shell looks like.

It didn’t look like grandma. We all stood around the casket. She was wearing a beautiful purple dress with beading. Mom was right, grandma would NEVER wear something like that. They painted her nails. Mom: “I don’t think I have ever seen Mom with painted nails in my life!”

Mom was worried they would have done her hair up too fancy or put too much makeup on, thank god they didn’t. But her face still looked strange, alien. Like there was too much skin. We stood there, and though tears were in my eyes, I was holding it together…until

“there’s a picture of Aaron in there!” Mom had given them a picture of my brother to put in the casket. It was of him at their high school graduation party, about 4 months before he got sick. I lost it. I cried and cried on my mom’s shoulder. We both cried. Because then it had really hit home for me at that moment. There was my brother, and there was my grandma, and I would never see them here on earth again. And I just hoped they were together in heaven now (I am crying so hard right now, as I’m typing this). No matter what that jerk priest said about purgatory.

And I had to sit there later and listen to several people say the asinine yet obligatory “oh, she looks just like she’s sleeping!” and I wanted to SCREAM at them because THAT’S NOT WHAT GRANDMA LOOKS LIKE WHEN SHE’S SLEEPING!!!! When I saw her sleeping she’d be sitting on the couch, with the paper in her lap, head tilted back, mouth hanging open, snoring like hell, and letting out the occasional old woman tooty fart, because THAT’S what old people do when they’re sleeping! They don’t do their hair and makeup and wear fancy dresses and fold their hands together around a rosary! That was not my grandma. She was gone.

Monday morning we went back to the funeral home and waited for all those who would attend the funeral. The funeral director called their names so each person could come forward and pay their last respects. He mangled a lot of the polish names, which we thought was weird because the home was in a big polish neighborhood. We were last, then we went out to the limo. The pall bearers that Dad had recruited the day before loaded her casket into the hearse, and the long line of cars drove to the church.

The church was her sister’s church, Aunt Dorothy. It was named after an unpronounceable Polish saint, which I learned later was just St. Peter, that’s just how you say it in Polish. The steps leading up to the church were very steep, which made me nervous, since the pall bearers unloaded the casket and took it up into the church! That was new one. I thought “they better have secured her good in there!”

They did a full mass, with communion and everything. I did a reading from the book of Romans, and I have to say that I did a better job of it than my cousin (of some sort, 4th cousins and such), who was a theater major. Then the priest did the whole incense ball thing and waved it around the casket. Smelled awful but it cleared my sinuses.

Then the casket was taken back DOWN the steep steps (ARG!) and loaded back into the hearse and we drove to the cemetery, where AGAIN they took out the casket and took it into a little sanctuary. The priest said a few more prayers and that was it. We didn’t go to the grave. Mom had been worried about the weather, and also that the plot was on a hill, and didn’t want the older relatives trying to walk up to it.

And grandma is gone. I just talked to my mom today to wish her a happy birthday. She’s been with grandpa all week, and he is being difficult.

“dad, do you know how to use the microwave?”
“I’ll do what I need to do”
“do you want me to show you?”
“no”

she said yesterday she brought up the subject of where he wants to live. He told her to go to hell. (still think he’s cute and cuddly? Grandpa has a stubborn streak a mile wide…said the pot to the kettle…)

This is not going to be easy.