…half baked and full of cheese!
So my dear blogger friend Sloth has (finally) jumped into the internet dating world, after scraping her immature tool of an ex-bf off the bottom of her fabulous and very expensive shoes.
A couple of years ago (blogspot days), I did a few posts on internet dating (also, because of Sloth. the ciiiircle of liiiife!) They are interesting reads (IMHO), so I thought I’d link them here for all to enjoy.
Mostly for the ladies, but I’d like some male input as well.
Why do I do these interactive posts on friday, just before the weekend when everyone stops reading blogs and commenting? Maybe I’ll leave this up for a while.
OK, I am getting married in 6 WEEKS OH MY GOD!!! One MAJOR decision I have to make at some point is…my last name.
On the one hand…I’ve had my last name for a long time. I’ll be thirty in December, so almost thirty years of the same last name. My relationship with that name has been rocky, it’s often mispronounced, and it’s easy to make fun of. Though growing up, most people made fun of my first name, and it was my brothers who bore the brunt of the taunting for the last name (those of you privy to my last name can probably figure out why).
But…I’m proud of that name. It’s my family. And though there are some members of my extended family that I’d rather not have to deal with…dammit…I love my family! And there have been long years of emotional and financial support, putting me through college and grad school, that it would almost be a slap in the face to say “OK! Now I’m Dr. [Kev's last name]!
On the OTHER hand, getting married means becoming part of a new family. And I have been so lucky in that Kev’s family has welcomed me as a member of the family, almost since the first time I met them. Though we come from very different backgrounds, they have embraced me as one of their own. I want to be able to honor that, and symbolize that I have indeed become a member of their family by taking their name.
The OBVIOUS answer here, and the one I’m sure everyone is thinking, is “gee, why don’t you just hyphenate?” Which is definately a possibility. While both of our names are unique, they don’t sound all that terrible together. It’s not like we’re both Polish and have 12 sylable names containing many W’s and Z’s.
However, at least one person in my lab who has a hyphenated last name has warned me off of it, saying that having a hyphen in your name is a major PAIN IN THE PATOOTY, as credit card companies and the like have a difficult time recognizing the hyphen. Which to me just seems silly, because I know ALOT of people who have hyphenated names, and it seems like these companies need to get with the times.
One of our post docs kept her maiden name. However, privately she is known by her maiden name, as she lives in the conservative, family oriented suburbs (much to her chagrin at times - it’s the county that used to have the warning lable on science books in the schools “WARNING! THIS BOOK CONTAINS INFORMATION ON EVOLUTION, WHICH IS A THEORY, AND THEREFORE IS BLASPHEMOUS AND OFFENSIVE TO JESUS!” or some shit like that) call her by her married name, because that is her husband and children’s last name, and by gosh that must will be her name too! I suppose it’s easier to accept it than to keep correcting them.
I’ve already emailed my advisor. She hyphenated, but I think in her private life just goes by her married name.
Of course, my data pool could be biased. Alot of women in science seem to hyphenate or keep their maiden name. The reason for this, I’ve been told, is that it becomes difficult for people to search for all your papers if you’ve published under two different names. Hyphenating solves much of that problem. So it could be that hyphenating is extremely rare and weird in the “real” world.
So I’m throwing this out to blogland. Women! Married women! Did you keep your husband’s name? Keep your maiden name? Hyphenate? Create some weird hybrid of the two? Why? And have you had any problems with this decision? - ie, credit cards, SS cards, taxes, PTA meetings. If you had to do it all over again, would you make the same decision?
I’d also like the input of the single girls, if this is something you’ve thought about already.
AND, I’d like the opinion of men. What did your wife decide, and were you supportive? Or hurt? Was there any familial backlash if she decided to keep her name or hyphenate?
I must gather data before making my decision!!!!
And no, I don’t mean THAT kind of fun.
So I have been very much enjoying the new yogurt product known as Activia. But hooo boy, is it a little on a pricey side. Also, have you seen the sugar content? Something like 17g per cup. Yeouch.
Something must be done!
I know you can make yogurt at home. I saw it on the teeeveeee once. So, if you can make REGULAR yogurt at home, can you make this new fangled fancy yogurt with the Bifidus regularis in it? How hard can it be, really?
I’ve never made yogurt before in my life. Obviously, it was time to try something totally untested. For SCIENCE!!!
I’ve heard of several different ways of making yogurt - some say you just mix the milk and yogurt starter and plop in the fridge for a day. Some say leave out overnight. But since I am a scientist (ok, a grad student) AND a food geek, I decided to go with the strategy proposed by everyone’s favorite mad scientist foodie, Alton Brown. His recipe can be found here.
I assembled the players. Milk, powdered milk, honey, volunteer yogurt culture, very clean hardware.
I made sure EVERYTHING was very clean - pot, spoon, plastic container, and probe thermometer. And…there’s where things broke down.
My thermometer was reading 123F…130F..134F…141F…what the hell? I hadn’t even gotten the stove turned on yet? OK…I was going to have to wing it. AB’s recipe stated that I needed to bring the temperature to 120F. Since I already scanned other recipes, I knew that the milk had to be “scalded,” but not boiling. (this is why it helps to read several recipes before you try something new). So I heated the milk until steaming, with tiny foam bubbles formed on the sides, but NOT to boiling.
\
STIR OFTEN! Even with much stirring, I still got some spooge on the bottom of my pan. Make sure you soak that shit, or you’ll NEVER get it off.
Here’s the “voluteer” culture. There is no “plain” flavor, so I used vanilla.
Then into the container, and ready to go! after lidding, of course.
OK, I’ll cop here. AB’s recipe calls for a tall cylindrical container. I do have something similar to what he used. It’s a bagle keeper. Right now, it’s Sadie’s travel food storage. I don’t think I’d ever be able to get the smell of dog food out of there. So I nixed that idea and went with this container. The recipe also said to wrap the container with a heating blanket set to medium and placed in a wine cooler. Who has a wine cooler? NOT ME! I do have a big plastic storage bin, though.
I covered with a folded up tablecloth and left it for the night. About 9 hours incubation. This morning, I had this:
Some solidification, you can see where the whey has separated out. But still pretty liquidy. Hmmm…into the fridge for the day!
A little more firm. But still pretty runny. Damn. Maybe I didn’t add enough milk powder? Or maybe I need to start with more culture. Or maybe my improvisations with the temperature and the container were more critical than I though. Humph.
But the TRUE test…does it taste OK? And…more importantly, will it kills us?
As usual in these kinds of test, the scientist NEVER uses herself as a guinea pig. I have a perfectly good victim…er…volunteer nearby!
Weeellllllll????
He likes it!
It’s actually good! Runny, and tangy. And it might need a little more sweetening. Maybe I’ll add some splenda. And it would probably be better with some fruit mixed in.
Next time I hit target, I’ll get a new thermometer. And I might try to up the powdered milk a bit (according to the recipe, the powdered milk adds more protein and makes the yogurt more solid).
All in all, a rousing success. And I have a whole quart’s worth of homemade activia for less that it costs to buy a 4-pack. Hooray!
yeah, that last post was lame. But I like that song and wanted an excuse to put it on here.
Packing is almost done. We want to load everything possible in the car tonight. Kev is…playing his computer game. And I am blogging. Productivity! w00t!
I’m going to throw out a plug for the knitting blog that a few of us started. Aimee, Julie, and I realized that most of you probably don’t give two shits about our knitting trials and tribulations. So we started our own knitting blog - KnitGeeks. Not a whole lot on there yet, but you can go and see the scarf I made my dad for christmas.
When I have time, I’m going to design a button link for my toolbar. And attempt a fancy template for us, too. GEEK! WHO KNITS! hence the name!
lessee….what else…
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cookie fairy
I took cookies into the lab today - the little bags filled with goodies, and a whole tray for boss lady advisor. Everyone was thrilled! Boss lady seemed a bit overwhelmed. I have ALOT of cookies, so I really loaded everyone up.
I was only in today for a few hours, and then left after lunch to come home and start cleaning. there are few things more depressing that coming home from vacation to a messy house. Well…at least it’s LESS messy.
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fitness milestone achieved
Kev and I got a last session of hot monkey lovin’ before we get to pittsburgh and will have to be sneaky and quiet. Anyway, at one point Kev pushed back on one of my legs, and managed to get it ALMOST to the headboard - just another inch and I would have made it. Flexability is fun! AND OH THE POSSIBILITIES!
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holiday blogging
will happen. My parents have a decent computer and broadband, so I will be around. Also on Yahoo IM.
Kev and I are leaving at the butt crack of dawn tomorrow in order to get to pittsburgh by dinner time. It’s a 12 hour trip, including stops, and excluding traffic or funky weather. So far so good on the weather front - sunny and in the 40’s through WV and PA.
Already picked up plenty of drinks and snacks for the trip - because if you are drinking and/or eating, you are not falling asleep at the wheel. I always pack snacks for long trips.
We’ve got:
little bottles of apple juice and quaker breakfast bars for breakfast
A & W root beer (I swear to GOD, if someone says something like “you shouldn’t drink A & W because they are evil because they support the religious right/killing babies/NOT killing babies/war in Iraq/Dick Cheney’s ass lift surgery” I’m going to COME THROUGH THIS SCREEN AND CHOKE YOU TO DEATH!!!)
ahem…where was I?
Diet pepsi
water
2 kinds of pringles (white chedder and ranch)
ghardetti’s snack mix
twizzlers
a nicely rounded travel diet, right?
Safe travels everyone! Unless you’re staying where you are, in which case SCREW YOU!
update: Sadie had been snoozing in her crate, and completely missed the whole “drag the suitcases out of the closet” and packing clothes session. However, she did see me grab her travel bag and start filling up her travel food container. Now she knows we’re going somewhere. BUT NOT NOW!!! Stupid dog. Now she’s running around all hyper, tail wagging, eyes wide. “going on trip? now? NOW? TRIP? NOW??? FOOOOD??? GOING NOW??”
SETTLE YOUR ASS, DOG!!!
Previous
When you’re grieving, the best possible thing to do is keep yourself busy. You can only close yourself in your bedroom and hide under the covers crying for so long, until it becomes unhealthy. We all had our ways.
I got a job at a clinic at UPMC, theoretically as a research assistant, but realistically I was a glorified copy girl. Queen of the copier: collate, double sided, sort, oh yeah.
Mom and dad renovated the kitchen. New wall paper and flooring. The wall paper had lemons on it, so it became mine and my mom’s mission that summer to find as many decorative items with lemons on them as possible.
It was still hard. My mom would come to church with me on Sundays, and cry every time. Didn’t matter what the sermon was. I was getting quite sick of the church, as a matter of fact. Not my faith. I was mad at God, oh yes, FURIOUS, SCREAMING ANGRY TANTRUMS with God. But I still had my faith. But the church? I was annoyed at the people. At the “evil spirits” bullshit. At their phoney sympathetic faces. Once I moved to Atlanta, it was a long time before I sought out a church.
In august, it was time for me to move to atlanta to start grad school. I was of mixed emotions about it. I seriously considered delaying a year. I could do it. The school would hold my place. Everyone would understand. On the other hand, I needed to get away. Everything reminded me of my brother. In spite of our efforts to distract ourselves, the house still felt like a permanent funeral. It was time for me to go.
But it wasn’t easy. I didn’t know a soul in Atlanta, and I was renting a single apartment, so no roommate. All alone, in a strange new city….in the south where crazy people lived, and still very much in pain. I was very lonely. And I was spending far too much time by myself, on the couch, watching TV. I needed companionship. I needed to get out, meet people, do things.
I needed….a boyfriend?
HELL NO!
I needed A DOG!!!
Which is how Sadie-girl came into my life.
No, I didn’t order her online, and she didn’t come in a box! One month after moving to atlanta, I got in a car with a friend from grad school and her boyfriend (to help me decide, I was afraid I would want them all) and headed over to the Atlanta Humane Society.
She was just so calm in her cage, while all the other dogs barked their fool heads off and went nuts. I thought “she is the perfect size and temperment for me!” She was a year old, and her previous owners didn’t want her because she would run away from their yard.
Boy, did she have me fooled! Crazy dog didn’t sit down for a week after I brought her home! She was the perpetual motion dog! I eventually trained the laziness into her. Get up at 5am to take her out? NOT ME! Sleep in, dog!
I honestly don’t think I would have made it that first year without her. She forced to get out of my depressingly little apartment. To get exercise, to meet other dog people. She was there when I got home at the end of the day, and she was a good snuggler and tv-watching couch buddy.
She helped my family through that first year, too. I took her back north with me for both Thanksgiving and Christmas. Instead of spending those holidays our first year without A and missing that empty space at the table, we could focus on the novelty of having a very enthusiastic fuzzy new “child” running around. Sadie took our minds off of our loss. NOT that we forgot about A. But instead we focused on the happier memories, with Sadie at our feet, begging for scraps. (dammit, my dad taught her to bark for pieces of turkey. thank you, Dad, for teaching my dog to beg…loudly)
So some people may think I’m nuts for spoiling my dog and for fighting to keep her through my condo troubles. But I owe a lot to her royal sheddingness, so I will continue to treat her like a child, and DEFINATELY continue letting her lick my bowl after I have ice cream. I will also continue torturing her by smearing cream cheese on her nose.
The first anniversary was hard. I spent the day sitting on my balcony, crying. Also cried a week later, on his birthday.
The second anniversary was a little better. I had kicked an asshole to the curb, and spent it with my new friends (who I met when I finally went back to church, one of the BEST decisions I made in atlanta), who made me a spaghetti dinner and made sure my wine glass was always full.
The third anniversary was a little easier….and the forth easier still. Every year the pain gets a little easier to handle. Not that it goes away, it will NEVER go away.
I talk to my parents and E every year on the anniversary. We usually don’t say exactly WHY we’re calling, but we all know. My mom’s friends look out for her. She spent today sorting through stuff at my grandparent’s house (depressing) but then a friend of hers tookher out for dinner. My dad is spending a cold weekend in Ohio playing golf with some guys on their street. He offered not to go, but mom told him it was OK. They’re keeping busy.
I called E. He was at his bosses wedding (and that’s pretty fucked up, but that’s a WHOLE OTHER STORY). “so what’s up?” “what’s up? it’s the 23rd!” “ohhh….dammit! I wasn’t going to go to the wedding because of that! I totally forgot!” What a dork.
So it gets easier for all of us.
Today I was bound and determined to make it a good day. I had my brother’s birthday and mother’s day to shop for, so I told Kev: I need to go shopping. You are coming with me.
Shopping damage:
for my brother: a dvd called “neurotically yours” featuring Foamy. I’m also setting up a blog for him. I hope he keeps it!
for my mother: light summer slippers (sooo cute, bought myself a pair, too). “wash away your sins” bubble bath (kind of an inside joke), a fridge magnet that says “moms are like dads, only smarter”, and a patriotic bangly bracelet (she loves that stuff)
for Kev’s mom: “wash away your sins” hand soap. HA! she’ll get a kick out of that.
for ME!: a cook book for baking, aforementioned slippers, some kitchen gadgety utensils, a dozen bagels (mmm…baaaagels…), and…the BEST one: a pair of $150 Italian khakis that I got for $15!!!! SWEET! They’re a little long (Italian women must be really tall) but…$15!!!! I couldn’t legally NOT buy them!
Kev bought me lunch. And he’s been very sweet and attentive all day. Not that he’s usually NOT sweet and attentive, but he’s just been extra-so today. God, I love him. He’s helped me more than he knows. Just being a solid presence and always there for me. I don’t know what I’d do without him. Oops…tearing up a little…silly me 
Sadie has been extra clingy the past few days. Unfortunate, since she’s shedding. Who knows why, but maybe she senses an extra need for cuddling? I’m going to think that, anyway. It’s certainly not because she’s hungry and sees the chips and salsa on the coffee table, that’s for sure.
Thank you all for reading through all of this, and for your kind comments. I didn’t reply to them because I was so focused on getting this all out. But I appreciate every virtual hug and sweet sentiments. Even though I’ve spent the past few days writing this all out, and getting very emotional about it, I haven’t spent the week moping. As is my habit, I have kept BUSY! Busy at work, and even better, busy COOKING! I updated the long neglected recipe site. Check it out until my “shameless plus.” I also added a little thumbnail flickr thingie, which so far only has ren fair pics, but I hope to add more soon.
I love you all
***P.S.****
If any of you have ANY questions about what I’ve posted the past few days, PLEASE feel free to ask. Clarifications, more details, more info about any of the people, I will be MORE than happy to clear things up. And I am totally OK with it. I’ve become very comfortable talking about my brother, and writing about him helped even more. So please, ask away!
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