You wish you were Kevin right now. Because if you WERE Kevin, you’d be enjoying a big piece of this:
Blackberry-lemon swirl cheesecake. My own creation. So…it turned out not QUITE as set as I’d hoped…it still was yummy. mmmmm….
Knitta alert:
Socks for mom are almost done. The more astute of you will notice two things: they no longer look like elf condoms, and that’s not the same pattern. Exactly. I finished the entire elf condom sock, and I couldn’t even get my hand into it. My worst fear had come true: WAY too small. I had to frog the WHOLE THING! At least starting over allowed me to change the pattern. I wasn’t liking the yarn-over-cable pattern - the yarn is too fuzzy to really let the pattern show. This one is just the beaded rib, and I think it’s turning out much nicer.
And if you think 2nd sock malaise is bad…let me tell you about 3RD SOCK MALAISE!!!
As promised: the wedding dress update
I went to the shop today to pick up the dress. The woman I had been working with wasn’t there, but I talked to another nice lady, who confirmed that yes, my dress was in.
My dress, and the underthingy, right?
What do you mean, the underthingy isn’t on the slip?
I NEED THE UNDERTHINGY! MUCH SUCKING IN OF FAT MUST OCCUR UNDER MY DRESS!!!
Fortunately, they had the correct underthingy in stock. A very “push up the girls and HEY how ya doing!!!” kind of underthingy.
And the dress fit. And I looked good.
And then she said…would you like to try it on again with a Squeem?
A what?
A squeem. Essentially, a hugely wide extra strong piece of elastic that manages to take every lump of fat in the lower belly and squeeze it into…somewhere. Narnia. I don’t know and I DON’T CARE! And…it’s COMFORTABLE! I can BREATHE in it. With the underthingy + squeem, it looked as if I had a waist and hips. Something which, in reality, I don’t have.
And then…then I looked not just good, but FABULOUS in the dress! Honestly. I wanted to cry. Very little altering needs to be done. A little tuck in around the armpits and a bustle. The length is perfect.
I practiced walking around the shop in my dress and shoes. I twirled. I danced. The nice ladies said I could do that as long as I wanted. I felt like a princess.
The only catch was that they didn’t actually have any squeems to sell left in the shop - what I had on was the demo model. More are coming next week. So next week, I will pick up the dress, the underthingy and the marvelous Squeem and THEN go in for alterations.
I CAN’T FUCKING WAIT!!!
Cheesecake should never, ever be altered. Ever.
Those socks are go-juss! I’m having “finishing the first sock” malaise… It may end up being a Dobby sock. Damnit.
Yay Hooray on the dress! As soon as you get your squeem, put it on. The one in the store is comfortable because it’s the demo and it’s been on and off of a gazillion bodies, so it’s a bit more relaxed than a new one. Think of it like shoes–you have to break it in, or you’ll be supremely uncomfortable on your wedding day. Also, be sure you can sit down in it.
Huge congratulations on these major hurdles!!! Now, are you going to update that fucking wedding blog, or what?!
I like cheesecake. The idea behind squeems inexplicably frightens me. So sorry about your sock malaise.
Squeem. It just sounds soooo….dirrrrty!
Oh–off-topic news: I unmolded yer soap. It’s dark chocolate brown and smelling MAHVELOUS!
Cheesecake looks yummy indeed!
So the original elf condom was two small, so the new version is ribbed……..for her pleasure?
Looking fabulous in your wedding dress AND being able to breathe? You don’t get much closer to nirvana than that. Although, I feel a little for Kevin trying to get you OUT of all of that stuff on the wedding night. But then again, all good things come to those who wait!
Thus, “squeemish”?
I’m happy to hear you feeling so lovely in your dress. It’s how you should feel. Yay for happy brides feeling pretty.