Evilsciencechick

It was fun to be a part of someone else’s wedding week for a change. I’ve actually never been a bridesmaid before. A reader, yes. And even a flower girl. Twice. Which I sort of remember. But this was my first experience as a bridesmaid. Sweet. It was all the giddy fun of wedding week, but without the stress and pressure of actually GETTING married. Lots of pictures after the jump, so hold on to your internet connection

Jen and Dave planned a big entrance for their reception, so they actually got together and PRACTICED their smooooooth moves ahead of time. They took ballroom dancing classes in college.

I think that was the only time they made eye contact. They were both concentrating very hard.

Friday we all got the girly treatment: manicures and pedicures for everyone!

Then the rehearsal and dinner. Jen had us FREAKED OUT about the priest. He is SOOO scary and SOOOO strict and OH MY GOD NO TALKING OR CHEWING GUM!!!

The priest was totally cool and funny. And none of us chewed gum. The dinner was fun, too.

Saturday was a flurry of getting-ready stuff. I had the added stress of worrying about whether or not Kev would get his plane on time. We got the fancy hair-doooos at the salon that Jen and her sister had been going to since birth, and no offense to the place or the woman who owned it, but hey, maybe if you have a bunch of people coming to get their hair done, and three of them getting their makeup done, maybe you should have a few more people working that day IF YOU’RE ALSO GOING TO TAKE YOUR “REGULARS,” THE LITTLE OLD BIDDIES GETTING THEIR HAIR “SET” FOR THE WEEK, MAYBE YOU SHOULD HAVE MORE PEOPLE WORKING THERE?? OR TELL THE OLD BIDDIES TO COME BACK LATER???  I MEAN COME ON!!!

We were there for HOURS. We got there at 9am, and I didn’t even sit in the chair to get my hair done until 11:30. Mom of the bride got her makeup done first at 9…and her hair last at 11:30. HOLY CHRIST, PEOPLE!

Anyway…Jen’s family had a lunch spread for us all at their place. I tried to get her to eat, but all she could stomach was some crackers and a little pasta salad. She’d even turned down the special donut her father put aside for her that morning. JEN TURNED DOWN A DONUT!!! Those that know her will know what the circumstances must have been for her to do that.

Dire. Seriously dire.

She said she hadn’t slept that well the night before, and that she had to get her sister to come sit with her because she just couldn’t fall asleep. She apologized to ME for not staying with me the night before my wedding. Sheesh! That night at the hotel by myself was the most peaceful nights sleep I had gotten in a LONG TIME. Poor Jen.

Anyway…afterwards, I ran back to my parents house, confirmed that Kev was there and hadn’t been strip searched by homeland security (he had a one way ticket and no checked luggage. obviously a terrorist), and did my makeup. Lots of waterproofing. My best friend was getting married. I was taking no chances.

Then back to Jen’s parents’ house, to help her get ready. her dress was GORGEOUS! Absolutely gorgeous. And a cathedral length matching veil. The girl FLOATED when she walked. And then…her parents disappeared! They had to get to the church early to hang the ribbon bows on the church pews. But it was so abrupt, Jen didn’t even get a chance to say goodbye to her mother!

We were picked up by a limo-bus, aka the PARTAY BUS! Now, us bridesmaids were doing much of the partying - whiskey and pepsi? don’t mind if I do! And we sat in the bus and chatted in front of the church, watching guests arrive through the tinted window, listening to the radio. The more ample of us bridesmaids tucked extra tissues into our cleavage for emergency situations. Just before it was judged safe for us to get off the limo-bus, “Baby got back” came on the radio. We all took it as a good sign. Indeed.

We walked up the front steps, and Jen’s mom magically appeared through the front doors. She quickly thrust a gorgeous bouquet of white tulips and roses at Jen and said “Good luck, Jenni, I LOVE YOU!” before she had to get back to be escorted down the aisle.

waaaaaaaahhhaaahhhhaahhhh! emergency situation! we were ALL crying. Thank goodness for tissues and ample bosoms!

The bridemaids’ bouquets were neat clusters of bright colored tulips. Springy and beautiful.

I was first down the aisle. Totally paranoid, because the night before the priest told me a few times to “walk normally.” What? Wasn’t this how I walk? How about this? Is this normal? Oh shit! and I had to remember after I met the groomsman at the front (Jen’s brother) to take his arm and then bow before the alter, before going to my seat (we got to sit the whole time. nice!) Pressure! Also, literal pressure! I was wearing my tortuous underthingy from my own wedding, and bending of any type was difficult. But I got through it as gracefully as possible.

Then before we knew it, the unity candles were lit, the Eucharist was served, final blessings given, and…they were married! Party time!

After pictures, bridesmaids and groomsmen piled into the limo-bus. This time, there were two HUGE bottles of champagne waiting for us. We decided to get ready for Jen and Dave, who were posing for the last of the pictures, and go ahead and open the bottles. Oooo…very SWEET champagne. Yes, please, thank you! When the happy couple finally got on, we gave them a worthy toast. With second helpings. Yes, thank you! Mmmm…champagne! The trip to the reception took about 20 minutes, so plenty of time to enjoy the booze. At the reception all, there was a special side room just for all of us, with MORE champagne (yes, please, thank you!) and hors d’oeuvres. And would we like anything from the bar? Yes, please, rum and coke, thank you!

Then our grand entrance into the reception…where we found, yes…MORE champagne waiting for us. Jen and Dave made their entrance in their elegant way…

Told you her dress was gorgeous.

Then the cake…

Might have been the only food she ate all night…

And then dinner…and a champagne refill (yes, please, thank you!)…and then PARTY TIME!

Dancing is so EASY when you’re fuelled by 5 glasses of champagne and a couple rum and cokes.

What a great wedding! Everyone had such a good time. I even made Kevin polka! Oh, you better BELIEVE there was polka music. This was JEN’S WEDDING! there was polka. At one point, I got complimented on my mad dancing skilz by a complete stranger. The song I was dancing to? “baby got back.” Hmmm…sensing a theme for the day…

Congratulations, Jen and Dave! I love you both so much! Many many years of happiness together are ahead of you. Have fun in Hawaii (lucky bastards)!!!