reference? anyone? kind of obscure.
I am emotionally and physically drained, yo.
This morning I had a committee meeting. Not just any committee meeting. THEEE committee meeting. Where there is no presentation of data. There is just an outline:
1. this is what I have done
2. this is what I am doing, and when I will be finished
3. when do I graduate?
annnnd…the answer to that?
March. Come hell or high water. Either I defend in march, or I will be asked politely but firmly to leave.
This is plenty of time, though. It’s just going to be a lot of work.
There is even MORE work I have to do, related to a discussion I had with my adviser. A discussion that resulted in my very near future becoming both very certain and very uncertain, at the same time.
I’m just not ready to talk about it here yet. Soon, though.
Then there was the defense. Of the other grad student in the lab - Amy, who had moved with the lab to Duke, but came back to defend.
She defended today and graduated. This is good - I’m very happy for her. She worked hard, and she deserved to graduate.
But…
She’s two years behind me, and she graduated first. This stings. A lot.
There are many reasons why this happened this way, and I’m not going to rehash them here, because it will come out bitchy and whiney and really, I don’t feel that way. I am a little sad, though. I am a mix of conflicted emotions.
I did get to see BRENDA! for the first time since she left for Boston. Oh good lord, I miss Brenda. I have a feeling she is going to be getting many calls from me over the next 3 months and will be forced to talk me down from the ledge.
(And Brenda? I know you’re going through all kinds of crazy medical shit right now, stuff that no one should have to go through. But I do have to say…you look GREAT! seriously. Boston agrees with you, you are skinny, girl. Awesome)
And to top it all off, I missed the 6:00 shuttle. I picked up the 6:20 one, which didn’t get me back to my car until 6:53.
Here’s the problem with that: I ordered prints from Wolf Camera last night. Wedding pictures. As christmas gifts for my family, which MUST go in the mail tomorrow.
And Wolf closes at 7pm. So I have a few seconds to make a decision: do I make a suicidal drive to Wolf camera, or do I pick them up tomorrow morning and just stuff them in the box to mail and have my mother deal with getting them in frames and albums.
Suicidal drive, of course. EFFECTIVE! Got there at 6:59. I have no idea how. Well, yes I do: 50 in a 35 zone. Pictures picked up, and I am saved from family drama.
So it was with MUCH EXCITEMENT that when I finally got home and checked the mailbox, I found it stuffed with christmas cards, a gift from Julie, and not one, not two, but THREE locker keys. Lockers which contained FOUR boxes: two gifts I ordered for Kev, my soap and lip balm from Serra, and a christmas gift from my mom.
(Julie got me a go-knit pouch and a booklet explaining the magic loop method for knitting socks. If you didn’t understand any of that, you are not a knitter, and don’t have to worry about it, except that it was an AWESOME gift)
and THEN, there were TWO MORE packages waiting at my door AND a slip on my door telling me I had to sign for a package at the post office.
Merry Christmas to me. One of the boxes was my grandma’s presents to us, including her homemade poppy seed roll, which will never see christmas morning. Good god, I love poppy seed rolls.
Then we made the evening complete by going out for mexican food. I am too much of an emotional roller coaster to cook right now.
annnnd…that’s it. Right?
What?
wedding pictures? yeah. I got my wedding pictures. most of them. that’s a WHOLE ‘nother post.
what, you want to SEE them? ALL OF THEM???
no.
you can see one for now. you’ll have to come back if you want to see more. I’m mean like that. 
If if you’re pretty angry, yer still a pretty scientist.
Yay for all the good stuff!
GORGEOUS picture!
I don’t think that gaze could be any more “Oh I am so in love with this man.” Awesome.
OMG that picture is gorgeous!
About the other stuff.. just breathe, girl. All thesises (Thesi? Thesisuseses?) are not created equal, and the idea that you explored, and proved, for yours is not the same as anone else’s work (Hello! that’s the whole point!)
“Do good work.”
The Fef, in graduate school, received that advice from a Turing Award winner. That’s the secret. That’s the way to survive. The way the politcs, or the delays, or the funding, or the microcosm of academia will not matter to you, the way to bullet-prof yourself… just do good work. That you can be proud of. That’s all that matters.
What a freaking GORGEOUS pic of you! You’re absolutely beautiful AND you’re seriously effing SMART!
You WILL do fine at your defense–you WILL. Convince yourself of that because you know you’ll have your shit together and you’ll do an excellent job defending your thesis and you’ll graduate.
I’m glad to hear the soap got there–remember the Super Shea won’t have the same type of lather as my soaps normally do because of the rich content, but it’ll be very creamy and kind to the skin.
~hugs~ Now go get a puppy kiss–they’re excellent for the soul.
Hang in there! I know if you put your mind to it, you can get what you need to graduate WAY before March.
Plus, the wedding picture was beautiful! But, post more, will ya?! You’re leaving us hanging!
Yay, the present got there!!! I’m glad it arrived and even gladder (is that a word?) that you liked it. I have to feed the knitting disease when I can, right? I figured the Go Knit pouch would be helpful on the shuttle, and who the hell doesn’t want to learn Magic Loop?
As far as the dissertation…you will make it. From the sounds of it, you are already mostly there. You just have a bitch of an advisor. I know about bitch advisors, trust me. You will make it through with or without her.
For now, just take a deep breath, and think “This weekend is Christmas!!” That thought is getting me through a hell of a lot right now.
Um… I think the reference is from Young Frankenstein.
And you will totally do fine on your thesis. And please pray hard for me today and tomorrow… my masters thesis defense/meeting is Thursday at 10 AM. Yikes. :-{
You look so stunningly lovely. Kev is a lucky man.
Sometimes having a hard deadline is what you need to stay motivated. I’m sure you’ll graduate no problem.
sorry, reference is from the short lived cartoon “sheep in the big city.” which was an underappreciated work of genius.
GOOD LUCK NICOLE!
YES!!! You are so right. I totally LOVE that cartoon… I knew it was familiar. And o yea… by the way… I passed!