Dear charity organization,

I believe your name is “clothing for a cure” or something like that. A cure for what? I don’t remember. But I doubt it’s a cure for sucking ass.

For the past month….MONTH! There has been a number on my caller ID. CURE CLOTHI it read, with a local area code. This number would call 2 or 3 times a day…EVERY DAY. Cure clothing? Someone trying to get me to dress all black and emo?

I was confused.

Then you started calling early in the morning. But the phone is two rooms over from the bedroom, so by the time my sleepy brain registered that the phone was ringing, got my feet off the side of the bed so I could stumble over the shoes I left in the middle of the room last night and make a lurching sprint to catch the phone…hangup. The caller id…CURE CLOTHI!!!

Sometimes just for fun, you’d leave a voicemail: 3 seconds of silence and a click. I was beginning to get nervous. Was I being stalked? I even tried calling the number, but all I got were clicks and beeps. The calls kept coming, though. Waking me up, or sitting on my caller ID. Four calls a day. EVERY DAY! EVERY GODDAMNED DAY!!!

Was there a bill I hadn’t paid? What could cause someone to pursue me so vigilantly? OH MY GOD, PLEASE STOP CALLING! WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE????

Until finally…FINALLY one evening I was home, sitting next to the phone when it rang. Caller ID: CURE CLOTHI. HA! CAUGHT YA, BASTARD! I answered the phone, and very bored sounding woman informed me that Clothing for the Cure (the cure for what???) would be around on friday to collect donated clothing, would I please leave a bag in front of my door with a note on it that says “CfC” on it?

What?

Before I could mumble something, she tells me thank you for my donation, and that they’ll give me a reminder call on thursday. Thank you and have a nice evening.

What?

Oh yeah, I got a reminder call. Three reminder calls. At 4:56pm, 6:27pm, and 7:43pm.  When I wasn’t at home…no voicemail left.  Bastards.
Clothing for the cure, you are the WORST charity ever. You think that just because you are immune to the “no call list,” you can abuse the system. Holy fucking christ, people, if you’d just left me a voicemail to begin with, we all could have moved on with our lives.

But you kept CALLING and CALLING!

When you come to my door today, and find NO bag of clothing waiting for you? I hope you cry.

And don’t EVER call me again. E-V-E-R!!!


10 Responses to “Dear charity organization,”

  1. Gravatar Icon 1 The Scoot

    https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx

    That is all.

  2. Gravatar Icon 2 ESC

    yes, thank you. I am on that do not call registry.

    However, as I said in the post, charities are exempt from the do not call list.

    Fuckers.

  3. Gravatar Icon 3 The Scoot

    I seem to miss things that are vitally important to the reason behind the rant. Dang it.

  4. Gravatar Icon 4 Kenneth

    Yikes. They need some people with some marketing sense. They do suck.

  5. Gravatar Icon 5 Michael

    That’s what I tell girls who tell me they’re on the do not call list so stop phoning to ask them out for a date: charity is exempt.

  6. Gravatar Icon 6 aimee

    Woah. Nice to see the head-meds are helping you out there, Evil one.

    ;)

  7. Gravatar Icon 7 brighton

    Oh I hate that!! Fuckers, seriously, by the time they get a hold of you, you are so pissed off that you wouldn’t give them your dog’s poo much less clothing or something useful!

  8. Gravatar Icon 8 Vince

    That must be the worst charity EVER! Talk about lame! However, if I were you I’d leave a bag filled with old granny panties for them with a note that says “gently used”.

  9. Gravatar Icon 9 Aimee

    OMG, Vince. You are HILARIOUS. I just read this post outloud to my mom so she could have the background, then I read her your comment. She nearly peed she laughed so hard!

  10. Gravatar Icon 10 Vince

    Aimee, you just bring out the best in me. See previous post for more proof.


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