I spent the morning lying on a heating pad and praying for death, waiting to hear one word back from the HR woman I had emailed earlier. The email that said “I want to come back, I can haz lumbar pillowz?” Never heard back from her, but around noon I decided that I was bored enough, back to work with me! I had taken my muscle relaxer (which doesn’t help AT ALL, so I’m taking it for a placebo effect. Before you ask: no. no it doesn’t work that way, either) and was ready to roll. In my car. Because my back does not want MARTA right now. Carbon footprint be damned, as long as i’m hunched like a little old lady, I will drive! Don’t think I could take the lurching stops and starts (and middles) of a train right now, anyway.
As I parked and began hobbling to my building, I thought about how I really need to make an appointment with a chiropractor. Yes. that would be a very good thing.
I was walking towards my building when I noticed several tables set up just outside of the doors. It was a health fair! With health providers from the office complex promoting their businesses. And what is that one table displaying? The one to the right of the teeth whitening lady? A table featuring prominently a model of a human spine! SCORE! A CHIROPRACTOR!
And not just ANY chiropractor. The chiropractor…TO THE STARS! Seriously. He had pics of himself with local sports celebs, and one of him with Usher, each with an arm around the other’s shoulders in the manner of friendly masculine men. I spoke with him and outlined my problem, and he was very enthusiastic about me coming to see him right away. RIGHT AWAY! LIKE MAYBE TODAY? Yes. I should stop by after work. Appointment? No appointment neccessary. Just come. Insurance? Yes we take your insurance, no problem.
Awesome.
So I grit my teeth and make it through half a work day with some borrowed micro pellet squishy pillows jammed into my lower back, and went ahead and ordered a real lumbar support device from our office supply catalog.
Then my doctor called. Good news! I don’t have gout! My bloodwork is completely normal! In every way! You could swig my blood like a sports drink, with the perfect levels of electolytes and smashingly normal kidney and liver enzymes! The bad news: mystery toe remains a mystery. He suggests a podiatrist. I mentally suggest that I will ignore painful toe and hope it goes away on its own. My back! Good news! It’s probably not sciatica! It’s actually…umm…arthritis. Mild arthritis.
aaahhh shit.
I’ve secretly known for years there wasn’t something quite right about my back. I’d turn a certain way, or bend, and feel/hear (in that creepy way you and you alone can hear the mechanisms inside your body) grinding of my backbone. And I’d think “huh. that ain’t right. that might cause problems when I’m older.”
Except that OLDER was supposed to mean OLDER THAN I AM NOW, WHICH IS 31.
Doc, to his credit, doesn’t bring up my weight once. He recommends physical therapy, and says he’ll leave samples of celebrex at the reception desk for me to pick up at my lesure. More old people pills! Awesome!
So on to the chiropractor! He is smooth. He is well dressed…um…in a pink shirt and pink striped tie - very Dr. 90210, except you get more of a preacher “praise jeeeesus!” kind of vibe out of him. Still, he’s friendly and attentive. He listens to my doc’s diagnosis, and then kind of gives that sort of “heh, isn’t that cute” chuckle, that one gives when one doesn’t believe for one moment what the other person is saying. He explains that “mild arthritis” is what doctors say when they don’t have any other diagnosis. I probably DO have mild arthritis back there, but it’s likely not the cause of all my problems. Because the pain is traveling down my right leg, and arthritis is very localized. It doesn’t shoot around. SO he thinks that the swelling from the mild arthritis is causing my nerves to become pinched, blah blah blah, helpful spin demo featureing blinking LED lights, alighnment, toxins, etc.
I kind of felt like I was being initiated into a cult. Generally, whenever someone starts talking about “flushing toxins,” I tune them out. NOT BUYING IT, SIR! But whatever. He can say he’s doing whatever he’s doing, as long as the end result is my back feeling better, I don’t give a shit. Drink this kool aid? Yessir, will it make my back better? Oh good.
The treatment started with me laying on a table, face down, and two little electrode thingies placed on my lower back. He adusted some knobs (hurrrr!) until I felt gentle thumping through the pads, and then he put a heating blanket on top. I was left alone to drift in and out of gentle consciousness while listening to the smooth jazz radio station that was playing over the speakers. After a few minutes of that, everything was removed, and the adjustments began. He told me he’d be gentle (hurrrr!!) because this was my first time (hurrr*choke*), and he showed me this thumping gadget that looked like a giant needless syringe. When clicked, it would thump down on my back. OOOO-K! So he started stretching and thumping with the thumper, and asking “does this hurt? does it hurt here? how about this?” and I said yes or no or whatever, because mostly it just felt good to have my back stretched and massaged. Then he sprayed something cooling on my back that contained “menthol and a mix of plant extracts.” Plant extracts? what KIND of plant extracts? Whatever, it felt nice and cool - very tingly!
After that, I was transfered to another table. This table had some kind of rolling mechanism inside it, so that when you lie on your back on it, the roller underneath kneeds your back like bread dough. “this will loosen your muscles and hydrate your disks.” Sure, whatever. It felt GOOD. Especially when it did my lower back. OOooooo yeah…press and streeeetch me out! After that, it was the “hyrdomassage” table. This was like a partial waterbed, where the mattress part was where my back was, and inside were strong jets. LOTS of jets. It was like a waterbed JACUZZI, and it was awesome. I got 10 minutes of that treatment, and when it was over and he helped me up, I said “my back feels like pudding.” It DID feel like pudding! All wobbly and gloopy!
And that was it! My back felt great! Pudding great! I go back monday for my follow up, where I assume he will start bringing out the big guns for the “adjustment” session. Perhaps that is when the “back cracking” will start.
I don’t know how much I buy into alot of the chiropracter mumbo-jumbo. A lot of it seems like tired sales techniques to get you to believe in their product. I wanted to say “it’s OK. I’m here. My back hurts. You’re good with backs - Usher trusts you! if it’s good enough for Usher, it’s good enough for me! Stop trying to sell me on the cultish aspects of your treatment.” Because honestly, even though I still have pain back there, it’s ALOT better then it was before my appointment. His treatment worked MUCH better than any of the drugs I’ve taken (stupid muscle relaxer!).
So I can see that doing this regularly will really help me. Because I’m only 31, and I have MANY MANY years ahead of me, and I don’t want to spend those years slowly killing my liver with various pain meds for arthritis. I don’t want this pain to rule my life. I don’t want to limit myself to what I can do because of it. I already missed choir practice and knit night over this. YOU HEAR THAT, ARTHRITIS? YOU ARE NOT GOING TO BEAT ME! I’VE GOT YOUR NUMBER, AND YOUR DAYS ARE LIMITED! YOU ARE NOT GOING TO CONTROL MY LIFE!!!
Have you ever seen Eddie Izzard’s bit on chiros? It’s part of “Dress to Kill”, and it’s hilarious. And if you’ve ever been to one, completely accurate.
Hubby went for a while when he was having back issues (He had surgery at age 26. You think YOU feel old?), and they gave me the free spouse assessment. I kind of wanted to laugh at how much they wanted to claim it would fix. Like, they were hinting it would help with my fertility issues. Right, because my back has anything to do with a hormonal imbalance… ::shakes head::
Anyway, I’m VERY glad your back is so much better! That’s awesome!
that’s what I was thinking the whole time! you got a bad back? I’m gonna crack your bones. you got diptheria? I’m gonna crack your bones.
Some of those chiropractors claim to cure everything from asthma to zits, but as long as your back feels better, go for it. We missed you tonight. You didn’t get a chance to see the gang of ladies from I don’t know where. They totally spoiled the Knitch vibe and we were glad when they went outside. They were nice, but somewhat odd. Who were those people! Get better quick!!
I love my chiropractor! However, you have to know when to stop them. They can’t really help you with all the other stuff they say. I’m sure they believe they can, but I’ve never gotten anything else out of an adjustment but back related relief. And you have to stop them from telling you you have to come back for a million sessions.
Arthritis is not so bad….Well, yes, I guess it is. I have Rheumatoid Arthritis PLUS Osteoarthritis (and I’m 30). My guess is that you have the latter? OA is more a pain (heh, heh…pain…) than it is anything serious.
And, Fyi, Celebrex is one of the safest NSAIDs out there. Don’t take it if you don’t need it, but if you do, better you take one Celebrex than six or so Motrin or Asprin. It’s easier on your stomach.
(By the way, I’m de-lurking. I don’t think I’ve really commented on your blog, but I follow it. I’m from the ATL area, too–Alpahretta.)
I totally agree with your chiro. MDs spend WAY WAY too much time doling out drugs because it is the “easy” thing to do. (I know, I know I’m a nurse but I’m still against that ridiculous BS). The better solution is to work out your back, reduce the swelling and be on your way to better back health rather than cover it up with drugs. You go girl!!!
The RIGHT chiropractor can do wonders for you. If this guy ends up telling you that he needs to see you every Wednesday for the foreseeable future, email me! I’ll send you to my chiro….he doesn’t play that game. I’ve had back, neck, foot, hip, knee, etc. issues since I was 15 and have only found 2 chiropractors that I would recommend to anyone. The others have been QUACKS (they even walked like ducks). Be careful out there…they can’t all be trusted.
I’ve had a relationship with my chiropractor longer than I’ve known my husband….I’m just sayin’….
Glad you’re feeling better and I hope it lasts.
Yeah for you! I’m glad you’re feeling better. Keep us posted on the progress. If this chiro doesn’t work for you, I have a guy in Decatur. (I also have a guy in Roswell, but since you live ITP, Roswell would be a haul for you.)
You know, when you said arthritis, I wondered about the pain down the leg too. Cuz I didn’t think arthritis did that either.
Back pain is a bitch. Glad you’re feeling better.
Yikes! That all sounds awful. Maybe Sadie can walk on your back and make it feel better? Clip her nails first though!
I’ve never been too sure about chiros either. Maybe try some yoga? Some of those spine stretches are pretty amazing.
@Jane - oh noes! we were invaded by STRANGERS??? that’s weird. were they rude or just standoffish? you know what a “clique” our little group can be - we’re just SO MEAN, right? I’m sorry I missed, but I had that appointment, and I wasn’t sure I could take the chairs. I’ll come on sunday and take over the couch, maybe
@The Chickengoddess - yeah, that’s what I’ve heard. My insurance only covers 12 visits/year, so I’ll be sure to reign it in!
@Christina - welcome, lurker! yeah, I think it’s OA. My MiL has RA and it’s a bitch! Sucks that you deal with both. I took my first celebrex today and and it eliminated about 75% of the residual pain - definitely worth it, but I don’t want to be on them long term! My office mate the future pharmacist recommended a chondroitin-glucosamine-hyloronic acid (probably spelled all those wrong) supplement that might keep me off the pain meds.
@Knit Witch - I want to take multi-tiered approach so that the arthritis will never know what hit it!
@Nanette - Actually? I’ll be seeing a new guy. This guy was great, but he doesn’t offer physical therapy, and I really want both. I made an appointment for next thursday with a group right down the road from where I live that does chiro AND physical therapy, and I think that’s a better match for what I need. They also got FANTASTIC reviews on kudzu.com, so I hope they’re not quacks!
@OneCraftychick - see my response to nanette - but if I don’t like them I’ll definitely take your referral!
@Janice in GA - exactly. sounded hinky to me, too. but you know, after only one treatment? the shooting leg pain is gone! woohoo!
@Seth - I am the least flexible person ever. Yoga would probably kill me! eek!
When I have problems with my back normally from over doing it at the gym or on the softball field I turn to my Message Therapist for help. She has also helped out with several strianed and pulled muscles.
Great thing for me is that my MT is my wife. I know that I am a lucky guy and will be playing softball into my 50s.
Oh and being diagnosed with a old persons disorder I was diagnosed with Bursitis at the age of 24 in my right shoulder. The sound of gravel inside really gets loud.
Ooooohh… the rolling table is the best thing ever. I have been seeing my chiro for a few years now… and it has helped my “bad shoulder” (no longer bad) and my headaches (from cervical vertebrae being out of alignment). At first, you might need to go more often, but now I only go when I need to (usually one to two months). Your insurance should either cover it (as a specialist) or give you some sort of “wellness” discount (under the “Alternative medicine” umbrella). Either way - if it makes you feel better, then do it!
And don’t feel bad - I have arthritis in my hips.
How is it you get a rolling table and massage and goodies and I spent over a month seeing a chiro daily and got cracks, thumps, electrical shit that made things worse and finally a white flag? Lucky, yes you are. Sounds like heaven.
Another thing that tends to help nerve-related issues (like shooting pain down your legs–that’s something messing with a nerve, not arthritis. Been here, done this, has the t-shirt where the medical bills are printed–longest t-shirt you ever saw…) is MSM–some can take it topically with glucosamine and chondroitin and get great help (hyalonuric acid is the other one recommended a lot) while folks like me make themselves up lotions and get farther with topical use.
Let me know if you want to see a couple websites about it–I think I still have the bookmarks.