Last night I floated on a dreamy cloud of percocet. No worries…the percocet makes evvvvverything all better. Maybe my back wasn’t so bad after all! I feel great! Kev brought me crab rangood and made me pasta! LIFE IS SO GREAT!
And then I woke up this morning, long after the percocet wore off, and hobbled my ass over the doctor’s office. Ow. ow ow ow ow…ow.
The doc poked and prodded parts of my back.
does it hurt here?
no
how about here?
a little…
here?
gah! yeah, oh…ow…ow…
sorry! here?
*weep*
He wanted x-rays. And was anything else hurting? Well..um…it’s probably not related, but a couple weeks ago? My big toe started aching. For no reason. Oh, and the joint is a little swollen and I can’t bend it all the way.
Hmmm…sounds like it could be gout. I’ll have them x-ray your toe, too
Umm…what???
People…I have potential diagnosis of sciatica AND gout??? HOLY CHRIST, I AM ONLY 31!
Don’t even worry about it. I’ve treated 15 year olds with gout. It’s not age specific
Yeah, right. So, on to the x-rays. They have a NEW x-ray machine - it’s digital, and shows the image immediately on the computer screen. Neat! Umm..except that none of the nurses really know how to use it all that well. Veiled nurse has me lie down on the table, positions my foot, hides in the nurse-cave, and takes the x-ray. Tattooed nurse wanders in and tells VN that she did it wrong, that the picture was blank. She re-positions my foot, adjusts the x-ray, they both hide in the nurse-cave, and take the x-ray. My foot bones show up on the screen. COOL.
VN leaves and TN repositions me and the machine over my pelvis, hides, takes pic, and then comes back in. The screen comes up dark.
That looks a little dark
Yep, it is. It didn’t take…
Maybe my diagnosis is: no bones!
Ha ha! Maybe!
“sorry ma’am, you don’t seem to have any bones”
Ha! you’re funny
Take 2: also blank
Wow, still no bones, huh? “well THERE’S yer prohblem”
Ha ha! You’re cracking me up! I’m going to try one more time, and then I quit! No one can show us how to adjust this machine! So one more time, and then I’m done!
Sure! One more time! IT’S ONLY RADIATION!!
Ha ha!
3rd time was not the charm.
OK, well, he’ll probably send you to [nearby medical center] where they have (”finger quotes”) real techicians who can take a better pictures
I am not comfortable with those finger quotes.
I have a TENTATIVE diagnosis of a pinched nerve and gout (weep), pending x-rays from the medical center and the results of the bloodwork. In the mean time, I’ve been given a prescription for a muscle relaxer.
So here I am on the couch again, on the heating pad, waiting for the muscle relaxers to kick in so that I can drive myself over to the medical center for more x-rays. (SURE! DOSE MY PELVIC REGION AGAIN WITH RADIATION! WHO NEEDS KIDS? THOSE EGGS ARE JUST TAKIN’ UP SPACE!)
I feel…old.
In an ironic twist, I have a giant zit on my chin. So I am old with zits. Goddamit.
I’m still hung up on the part where you’re going to dose yourself with muscle relaxants and then drive yourself to the medical center. I suppose a fatal car crash would be one way to end the pain…
Dude, at least it’s not arthritis in your toe.
Popping out of de-lurk to say HEY! We have the same life! My gout toe (and I’m 40.. when my Dr said I had a gout toe I blurted but dude! Thats an old fat guy disease and I’m none of those. He laughed) cleared up with a good dose of anti inflams.. And I go see about my back this aft.
Feel better and pass the percs…..
Hey Regan,
Doug
I really don’t mean this to sound snarky, honest.
You were spinning on Sunday for the first time in quite a while, could that have contributed to the pain in your leg and back? Maybe the position you were sitting or the action of the treadle?
I hope you’re feeling better soon.
Feelin’ great, you bet! I’ll take another perk-o-set!
@Doug - doubt it. my toe started hurting almost two weeks ago. and my back didn’t hurt at all on sunday - it started hurting monday when I was sitting in my crappy office chair and doing data entry.
I think I’m going to request some lumbar support at work!
Damn, when do you and Kev move into the retirement community?
Awww - that totally sucks! Having had sciatica for the ENTIRE time I was pregnant, I know exactly how you feel (except I couldn’t take my beloved Flexeril - ya know, being pregnant and all). Hope they figure it out. If you’re destined to take muscle relaxers for weeks (”poor you”) you might also consider some massage or acupuncture - both work well for sciatica. As for the gout…you’re on your own there, sista.
I get occasional bouts of sciatica but I blame mine on crappy birthing positions. Oddly I don’t actually take anything for it painkiller wise, I just try and keep moving and try lots of stretches. Massage also works well but it’s amazing how suddenly my shoulders and feet ache and needs rubbing too!
If you wind up with a prescription for physical therapy for the sciatica, make sure the magic word “ultrasound” is on the little piece of paper.
It’s nothing like the peek-a-boo ultrasound–it’s a warm, relaxing rub with a warm metal rod across the hurting parts and it’s about the only thing PT’s ever been good for as far as my problems were concerned.