cum. jizz. spunk. baby-makers. primordial ooze.
Whatever you call it, it’s just ejaculated sperm. And guys…are OBSESSED WITH IT!
Why??
Really, I’m asking. Why? It’s a teaspoon of goopy stuff coming out of your dick. Now granted, I know the feeling going along with it is just great. Orgasm is great. Who doesn’t like orgasm? No one, that’s who! If we could orgasm all the time*, we’d never leave the house.
*this is a joke. It is not my intent to belittle the suffering of those with DOD. It is a terrible, terrible infliction. My sympathies go out to those it affects, and their families.
Anyway, we can all agree that orgasms are great. But ejaculation is just the messy side effect. If you are trying for a baby, it’s neccessary. And if you’re a woman giving a blow job, it’s the sign of a job well done 
But guys, I REALLY hate to break this to you. Women…don’t care. Don’t care about your cum. Don’t care about the amount. (so stop sending me spam about increasing the amount, OK?) We might care about the taste, but the sight of it doesn’t make us cream our panties. But you…YOU are obsessed with it. Every porno…EVERY porno**, ends with a money shot of some kind. Not the guy coming in a condom, or balls deep in a pussy…but with a pull out and a facial or errr…boobie shot. You LOVE the sight of sperm. even if it’s ANOTHER GUY’S SPERM! You must think there is some kind of magical power in it? And you just can’t seem to get it through you heads that girls. Don’t. Care.
**OK, probably not every porno. There’s those creampie ones, but even there, there is a clear view of the spunk. Why do you need to look at it? Is it like after you take a shit, and you turn around and check it? Yep! There it is! Go me!
It’s messy and sticky. It is not sexy to have it glopped on our breasts. Or dribbled on our foreheads. It stings a bit. And makes the hair sticky (that scene in “What About Mary” is not a joke). It’s not that it’s terrible, it’s not. But while we might allow you to do these things, please don’t act all shocked and offended with the sight of it oozing down our chest and on to the clean bedsheets doesn’t make us spasm with glee, as it obviously does you. Those girls in the porno? Who lick their lips as the slimy spunk inelegantly leaks down their cheek? They are ACTING. The ones that rub it orgasmically all over their breasts? ACTING! They do that because they are getting PAID to do that. Those of us who are NOT getting paid for it are not so thrilled. For all those reasons listed above.
So if every once in a while, your girls lets you come all over her face, be grateful. And don’t whine and beg and wheedle every damn time you’re in bed together for her to let you do it again.
And ANOTHER thing, if you get a blowjob, and she takes a mouthfull for you, you just shut your goddamn mouth about whether or not she swallows. That is HER decision. Once that spunk has left it’s home, you no longer have a say in it. Your satisfaction has been achieved. Whether or not she enjoys it as a midnight snack, or discreetly spits into a kleenex, just shut up and be glad you got a blowjob! There are millions of guys out there NOT getting blowjobs, who would KILL to have a girl LOOK at their dick, let alone wrap their lips around it.
So guys, give it up. It is not sacred. It is not liquid gold. It is not precious or special or wonderful. I know you’re proud of your little creation, but please don’t expect the rest of us to be.
And btw, this is most certainly not aimed at anyone in particular, least of all my dearest sweetie. I’m just getting sick of reading guys blogs whining about how their girlfriend/wife/bar hookup doesn’t treat their cum like the fucking elixer of life. IT’S NOT! GET OVER YOURSELF!
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grace (8 comments)
Vince (2 comments)
Breathe, woman, breathe…. go eat some chocolate and buy some shoes!
LOL I cannot WAIT to see the comment stream for this post. Truly. If some brave, bold few guys dare to give voice and actually answer your question.
As for myself, don’t smack me, but.. You know I hafta say this. I love cum. I really do LOVE it. I lget hot watching it rope out with every shot, I get turned on by a facial, or having it all over my chest,and playing with it, and licking it up. Yeah, getting the occasional shot in the eye sucks, but … well, speaking as one who hasn’t gotten nearly enough of it for the last decade of her life… cum rocks.
Dammit, now I’m horny just thinking about it. Back to the Nifty archive to read more gay male erotica…
OMG. I threw up a little bit reading this post. Rage on, Sistah!
What the hell? Guys actually care what happens to their baby juice once it’s loose? I’m with Aimee. The first time I saw a porn where she pushed the ooze back out and it ran down her chin, I nearly puked on myself.
Cum is sticky and mattes any hair it touches. We have a “spray at will” policy only if we’re going directly into the shower. And J likes condom sex because there is nothing leaking out hours after sex is over.
And I think if a guy won’t swallow his own sperm, then why the hell should he expect someone else to swallow it? Tit for tat buddy boy.
Um… strictly speaking, it IS the elixer of life.
Semen is the visual verification of virility. It is the porn talisman. It’s the raison d’etre for heterosexual procreation.
It’s… a dude’s kids. We might love REAL kids just as much as women do, but we also have a soft spot for potential kids.
Oh, and for creampie porn, well, as a Catholic, I actually have learned that it’s my favorite kind. Yeah…
Ah, I remember blow jobs, all those years ago….
This has never really been an issue in my relationships with women. I was always happy just to get sex. Anything else was a bonus.
I like pornography as much as the next girl. But as soon as I realize that money shot is coming up, I skip it. I mean, I don’t want to sound squeamish, but ew. I understand that it’s a guy thing, but that’s just it. It’s a guy thing. “I have vanquished you by jizzing all over your face! I am all powerful sex GOD!!” Um…nope. You’re just another dude with a vas deferens. Congratulations.
great.
i wanted to show my dad what a blog looked like. and could only remember the name of yours (cos i subscribe to everyone’s).
i THINK i read “ejaculation… globules… and breasts” before he did, and tried quickly to find jules’ again.
oh, and scoot? “strictly speaking” just brings out the pedant in me (sorry) but strictly speaking the elixir of life gives immortality, not conception.
did i mention that my dad now thinks i read pornoblogs?
We are but our genes, Rosie. conception IS immortality.
LMAO @ Seth. I like condomless sex as much as the next girl, but the leaking out part gets old after a while.
well, scoot, not really. having children is not the same as living forever yourself?
Your point is hard to cum by, but I think I got the jism of it.
Scoot – it’s only the elixir of procreation if it ends up in one very important spot. dribbling down your girlfriends face isn’t going to make any babies, and probably (OK, I’m allowing for Cinn’s little fetish here) is not going to “do” anything for her. And I doubt your fascination for sperm is about your potential kids. Otherwise, you’d be murdering millions of your little children in the shower or onto kleenex every day.
Nice try, though.
Seth – I don’t mind that kind of clean up so much. we don’t use condoms, so I’m familiar with the leakage. and I almost snorted out my tea when I read “spray at will policy.” made me think of a garden hose.
Sloth – I think with all the buildup, guys are expecting an extra large smoothie to shoot out of there. In their brains, that’s what they are seeing – BEHOLD MY POWERFUL FLUIDS!!! The reality of the small pile of sticky goo just never seems to hit them.
Rosie – well, you ARE a sex pervert. it’s important to be honest with our parents
Michael – boooooooo!!!!
I would NEVER give my parents your blog address!!
Guys think anything that comes from them is special. That’s why they leave their toenail clippings all over the place, too.
OMG I’m going to laugh my ass off all night long. Hubby and I had this exact conversation last night. TOO FUNNY.
I’m a little late to the party, but I have to comment…
My boyfriend is disgusted by the stuff. It took me three weeks to convince him to LET ME GIVE HIM A BLOWJOB as a result. And even then, a week to let me uh, finish what I’d started. He gets major brownie points, however, because he’ll always kiss me after.
He also apologizes every time I get up to go to the bathroom after condomless sex. He doesn’t get the whole peeing-after-sex things means no UTI. The leaking thing doesn’t happen so much once you figure out how to go about cleaning up.
Orgasm = happy, for all parties. I’ve just learned to deal with the male byproduct. And now that I’ve left WAY too much information that I’m sure you didn’t want to know… Going back into the Lurker Closet.
[...] Science Chick ranted the other day about how guys are cum obsessed. Amusing, but I disagree, because I do love swallowing as long as it doesn’t taste awful, and [...]
[...] Science Chick ranted the other day about how guys are cum obsessed. Amusing, but I disagree, because I do love swallowing as long as it doesn’t taste awful, and [...]
I Can’t speak for every guy, only myself. But I like the sight of it in a porno pretty much for the same reason that I like seeing a cock enter a pussy; It might not be *my* cock, but I can use what little imagination I have left to transfer that feeling or sight into my mind as the person penetrating or cumming.
And I think obsess is a little too much of a word. Men don’t spend every moment thinking “CUM” like women might on shopping. (See, how’s that for a generalization?) But we’re simple creatures and like to feel good. We like visual things, and cumming we can understand. You can watch sex in a different language and not understand any spoken word, but the mmmm, ahhhh, ohhhh, and of course cumshot, is universal.
As for the porno movie part, Yes, we get that it’s ACTING. It’s the same thing that happens in your chick flick movies. You might not all get to be princesses, but you like watching that shit because you can transfer yourself into an imaginary place where some colin firth, jude law, hugh jackman, or whomever you might find sexy will sweep you off your feet and make you a princess. (Again, another generalization) And you know what? IT’S OKAY TO IMAGINE. It’s okay to have a brief fantasy life as long as it dosn’t fuck up your normal life.
And if it REALLY seems as if every guy is obsessed with cum, then you probably need to lay off the sex movies or something. Go to Utah and appreciate what sexual freedoms you have rather than complain about what makes other people happy.
Wow, that would be cool if that was the real Trent Steel.
And why do we have to go to Utah to appreciate sexual freedom?
Heh, this was a great post, it actually made me laugh, as did Seth’s comment that a guy should only expect a swallow if he would do it himself. Now that’s a great rule!
But I do have to say – cum is not always the verification of verility. I don’t want kids, so my husband had a vasectomy (ie, he doesn’t have sperm but still “cums”). Does that make our sex pointless? Take it from me, it makes for a pretty good time.
Am I the only guy who thinks that the money shot is kinda nasty? I mean… I can tolerate dick in the porn I watch, but seriously? The less the better. If we really need to give Tommy Gunn a chance to act out a little manly groan on camera, fine, but get back to the chicks. I have no desire to see splooge. I don’t even like seeing my own. I think that means I’m 100% with you on this one!
I love this post, though it’s not really going to make me stop enjoying porn with money shots. Well, slightly old-fashioned porn, not this pointless modern-day gonzo stuff. That stuff really does seem to be about “vanquishing” the women with the almighty cumshot.
But I digress. The more “classic” porn didn’t have a lot of money shots, and when they did they were less “vanquishy” and more “see, the guy came too.”
And that’s my only point here. For me, seeing the guy come in porn turns me on because, aside from pleasing my partner, I want to orgasm, too, particularly when I’m jerking off, which is about the only time I watch porn. So it’s nice to see that the guy got off, as I can imagine and place myself there. When there’s no cumshot, unless the male actor really *acts* and makes it obvious he came, it’s kinda confusing to us simple men. “Huh? It’s over? Next scene? But was the last one finished?”
Male orgasm is such a visceral, immediate experience that doesn’t quite transfer to film without a visual representation, a symbol to lock on to and say, “ok, he had that which I am familiar with.”
But yes, in general, particularly when looking at modern porn, and stuff guys share on the internet (see cheggit.net and whatboyswant.com) it does often seem that men are obsessed with cum these days. Kinda silly.
After reading Damek’s post, I’ll have to conceed, that perhaps in modern porn, they’re a little too obsessed with cum, and actually with humiliation and degredation as well. I actually stopped watching modern porn a while ago simply because it wasn’t to my taste.
And Utah was the only place I could think of offhand that seemed more sexually repressed than any of the other states. You can’t legally buy hard core porn there, just soft core stuff. And they have almost no competition in sex toys, just a few specialty shops. -But the ones they have are full of cool people