So what is going on in my life.  I left one job and started a new one.  One I like even better, even though it’s only temporary (for now – if you can send some “YOU CAN’T LIVE WITHOUT THIS WOMAN” mojo towards the general region of Duluth, GA, I’d really appreciate it).  That was a major upheaval and one I hadn’t expected -  but who does?  As usual, I’m not going to blog any specifics, just that I’m still in the pharmaceutical industry, doing very different work that I did in my last job, sciency enough to scratch that itch, but not so much that I’m banging my head against a lab bench all day.  Perfect!

What else?  Ohhh..the d word.  Crap.

Diet.

I could do a whole separate blog post on my body and my relationship with it (and maybe I will!).  It’s complicated, and yet it’s not.  I am new to Fat Acceptance and the ideas of HAES (Health At Every Size), and yet it also feels like something I’ve come to naturally.  Because I’ve been fat my whole life.  BUT, and I must stress this – I haven’t been on diets my whole life.  Because even when I was young, I realized that diets do not work.  For me.  Because anyone who stands there and tells me YOU CAN NEVER EAT ANOTHER CHEESECAKE AGAIN, FATTY! is going to get laughed out of the room.  Fuck you, I can eat whatever I want.  And I gradually came to a point in my life where I didn’t care what other people thought.  I had friends who cared for me, boyfriend-fiance-husband who loved me, clothes that fit me, a roof over my head…etc etc etc – I was blessed in so many ways, that I didn’t care what the scale said.

Check that – I still don’t care what the scale says.

Getting ahead of myself.  Anyway…

Since Kev and I have been together, our weights have been creeping up.  It bothered him more than it bothered me.  What started to bother me were other things.  When I turned 30, my blood pressure went up.  Pretty much overnight, I went from 120/80 LIKE CLOCKWORK, to much higher, scarier numbers.  And because of spotty insurance coverage over the next several years *INSERT RANT ABOUT THE STATE OF HEALTH CARE AND INSURANCE IN THE US HERE AND FUCK YOU IF YOU’VE NEVER HAD TO MAKE A CHOICE BETWEEN GETTING A CAT SCAN AND PAYING YOUR MORTGAGE THAT MONTH, YOU INSUFFERABLE ASSHOLES* it took almost 3 years before I found a doctor who prescribed the right cocktail of pills to bring my blood pressure down to reasonable levels.

And so I plugged along, in my early thirties, already taking blood pressure pills (for full disclosure – there’s a HUGE family history of high blood pressure in my family, so this really wasn’t a huge shock for me), cholesterol meds, and the other pills that made me a healthy, happy girl.

ASIDE: As you can tell, I am not one of those people who avoids modern pharmaceuticals.  I learned from a very early age that medicine that doctors give you GENERALLY make you feel better.  You can disagree with me (don’t care!), but I learned that lesson after  severe asthma kept me in and out of the hospital throughout my childhood.  I WILL TAKE WHATEVER YOU GIVE ME, JUST PLEASE SAY I WILL BE ABLE TO BREATH AGAIN AND GO HOME!!!!  I take medicines promptly and cheerfully, and if they don’t work, I go back to the doctor and ask for something else.

BUT THEN…then I had my last check up.  Standard stuff, ending with a trip down to the lab for some bloodwork.  By that evening, I had the results online (soooo convenient and fast, these people) and there were my numbers.  TSH – normalish, cholesterol – still a little high, blood sugar – BORDERLINE SCARY.

Shitshitshitshitshitshitshit.

Type 2 diabetes is not something I want to mess with.  Not now, not ever.  Yes, there are medicines that can help control it.  But they are scary.  With nasty side effects.  And scary prognosis.  My immediate reaction was so rare for me…how can I fix this without going on drugs? I’d have to get a handle on my blood sugar.  Using diet.

*weep*

Fortunately, Kevin had gotten his hands on some books about Atkins and South Beach diets.  EYEROLL I KNOW, but whatev.  And for months he’d been filling me in on what carbohydrates do to your body, how they spike your blood sugar, how they make you crave MOAR SUGARS!  And my response had always been “oh how INTERESTING!  Please cut me another piece of baguette to dip into my giant bowl of pasta.”

But the test results were enough to weaken my anti-diet resolve just a little bit, so I decided to give it a try.  WE decided to give it a try.

I am not going to try to sell you on this diet.  Because in many ways, it does suck.  Going out to eat sucks – it’s difficult to find affordable places to eat out that don’t involve giant bowls of noodles or crap piled on bread.  Grocery bills are a little shocking – carbs are cheap.  Protein is expensive.

We have stuck to it, though.   And I have learned a lot over the past several months.

1. it’s important to me that I’m doing this because I WANT to, not because I HAVE to, or feel any pressure to do so by any outside influence.

2. I can still enjoy plenty of carbs on special occasions.

3. special occasions occur whenever I say they occur.  for example, “on thursday nights.”

4. All this time, I thought I had been “eating intuitively,” a big part of HAES.  I was not – I was eating what I was CRAVING, not what my body wanted.  When I eliminated the OMG NEED SUGAR NOW!1!!!111! cravings I was constantly having, I was able to actually listen to my body.  “I would like some chicken and broccoli for dinner.”  Why yes, body, certainly!

5. Sometimes I still crave stuff.  Sometimes I give in.  (see point 3).

6. I have new food sensitivities.  This is the only really bad part of this experience.  Suddenly, I am learning I can’t have certain things.  I’m certain some of it is lack-of-gall bladder related – like my reaction to a big spinach salad I had for lunch one day.  Some of it, I’m not sure what’s going on.  I had been enjoying the atkins shakes (shut up – this shit is made with CREAM and CHOCOLATE and some artificial sweeteners and you CAN’T TELL me that doesn’t sound at least partly good, and in the morning when I need something fast on my way out the door to work, this stuff was pretty great) until last week when I had a BAD gut reaction to one and actually had to leave work because I felt so awful.  I still don’t know what happened – experiments since have proven that it was the shake.  Dammit. I am not certain what these are all about, and I’m planning on discussing it with my doctor at my next visit.

7. I am losing weight.  I’m using weight loss as an indicator that I’m doing the low-carb thing correctly.  I’ve lost 26 pounds, am almost at my pre-wedding weight, and I’ve hit a plateau and I’m OK with that right now.  I went out and bought me some pants that fit.  (Because I’m also a big believer in getting rid of clothes that no longer fit me – I have no “this current weight” clothes left in my closet).  It’s crazy to think how much of our weight gain over the past few years was just from being lazy about cooking (“Hey, let’s have pasta for dinner AGAIN because it’s easy and cheap and deeeeelicious!”)

8. I am eating lots of bacon.  ’nuff said.

I am never going to be thin.  I don’t want to be thin – I have NEVER been thin.  That more than anything indicates to me that a healthy body weight for me is NOT going to be found in the “normal area” of a doctor’s chart.  What matters to me is that I feel better (I do – it’s amazing what eliminating those grouchy low blood sugar times will do for a person), I’m healthy, and I’m not miserable.

I’ll be heading back to the doctor to get my blood sugar rechecked next month.  And if it’s all been for naught, and my blood sugar is still high and I have to go on medicines, well…I will deal with that then.

I will end on a bloggy note: I am not planning on turning this into a ::*throws up in mouth a little*:: DIET BLOG.  I do not endorse any particular lifestyle or life choices for anyone else but ME. And GOD KNOWS there are already too many places on the internet where that shit can be discussed ad nauseum. I may mention it from time to time, but that’s because this is MY BLOG about MY LIFE. I’ve struggled with this a little, because part of me feels like I’m “betraying the movement” by doing this.  But this is MY life, MY deal – and the choices I make about my body are mine alone.  Just like the choices you make about yours are yours alone.  And if you go to the doctor and get similar test results as mine and your reaction is completely different, then that’s OK, too.

I am not an activist.  While weight has become an EXTREMELY political thing recently, there are plenty of other blogs and other bloggers out there FAR more eloquent than I am, who use their voice to discuss The Issues.  They do a much better job of fighting and arguing for your right to be whatever size you are than I ever could.  I can, and will,  only speak for me.

I will end with a gratuitous doggy picture.

And also a big FUCK YOU to my insurance company that wouldn’t cover the GENERIC cream that would have given me much quicker relief.

So that’s enough of that.

Earlier this month our washing machine began expressing its distaste at being used by attempting to escape from the laundry room during every spin cycle, and subsequently tearing a small hole in our BRAND NEW FUCKING FLOOR.  This was not acceptable, and since we don’t exactly have the cash to plop down $400 for a brand new machine, it was TO CRAIGSLIST for us.

craigslist washer #1 – $50.  beautiful condition.  Sadly, had crack in tub, and water gushed EVERYWHERE during our test load.  sorry, downstairs neighbors.  Go refund.

craigslist washer #2 – $40.  Still in good shape, but spin cycle only worked for a few of the settings.  Returned, got refund.

OK, craigslist, you had your chance.

So it was to the discount appliance scratch n dent stores with us!  We drove around atlanta all afternoon on saturday, sweating our butts off in the hotlanta sun, looking for a washer in a  post 1982 that was around $100.

Folks, it is DEPRESSING what people want for really shitty old washing machines.

The last place we tried was owned by…um…a bit of a character.  His washing machines were by far the nicest of the bunch, but he wanted $170 for them and that was just too much.  However, we ended up sticking around and chatting with him for a bit…and then it got weird.  VERY weird.

He started talking about Mayans.  And how their calendar predicts a cosmic shift in 2012.  And that happened when neanderthals were around, and then they WEREN’T around, and our ancestors starting building pyramids.  And the catholic church admits that angels are probably aliens.  And he kept talking about Mayans.  And our ancestors.  And how they knew THINGS because they looked at the stars.  THE STARS!  The Mayans knew about stars.  THINK ABOUT IT.

It was getting kind of freaky folks. And I know freaky because I attract the freaks like FLIES.  Kev was just standing there next to the guy, as trapped as I was.  I was calculating the effort it would take to vault over the row of washers and dryers blocking me from the exit, when the guy finished his sermon and said the ONLY THING he could have said to keep me running out of the store screaming.  “I tell you what, any of my $170 washers, I’ll sell to you for $130.  Including tax.”

SOLD, crazy dude!

So now I have a brand new NICE washing machine with lots of knobs and settings that is quiet and has not leaked or tried to escape yet.  KNOCK ON WOOD.

how YOU doin’?

This was NOT the most awesome bargain from the day, though.  Saturday was FULL! of awesome bargains.  Like the garage sale we stopped in on, hoping they’d have a washer.  And instead I found a BRAND NEW NEVER USED king size wool/alpaca blend blanket by some fancy italian company.  I can’t find this particular blanket online, but the company’s other stuff is hundreds to THOUSANDS of dollars.  The wool blanket on their site is $700.  This has alpaca in it, which surely raises the cost.  I got it for….

$18.

Hells yeah, baby.

Later that night we went out with friends for an early celebration of Kev’s birthday, as well as a “we haven’t seen each other in HOW LONG???” reunion.

Drinks at the Brickstore Pub, followed by a giant meal at Parker’s on Ponce, where Kev and I shared a “porterhouse for 2,” cooked medium rare, covered in blue cheese,  and accompanied  sides of marinated mushrooms and black truffle mac and cheese.  OH MY GOD YOU GUYS, it was delicious.  Followed by a coffee and a dessert of flourless chocolate cake topped with dulce de leche ice cream.  DECADENT.  And pricey.  Good thing Kev’s birthday is only once a year.

The party wasn’t over, as we stumbled full and slightly drunk to Twain’s, Decatur favorite billiards bar.  We had a short wait before we could get a pool table, which we filled with more drinks.

And then we pretended to be awesome pool sharks, running the tables and making FAT SCRATCH, yo.

The reality was, it took us an hour to play 2 and a half games.

Elizabeth cheated when she was too drunk to hit the cueball straight:

Kev and I rocked the table…in a non dirty way.

And a good time was had by all.

Today, I’m just a tad hungover, and am catching up on a MOUNTAIN of dirty laundry.   Tonight I made Kev’s birthday cheesecake.

other unexpected health update: some good news – when I had my doctor’s appointment a couple weeks ago (kind of a half check up to get my thyroid levels checked), my blood pressure was INEXPLICABLY AND TERRIFYINGLY HIGH.  I was COMPLETELY FREAKED OUT about this, because WHY?  WHY????  Kev kept asking me if I was stressed about something.  NO I AM NOT STRESSED WHY ARE YOU ASKING???  But seriously, I did some thinking about what was different over the past few weeks: my job.  but my job was not stressful.  What else?  Well, at my job, I have free, unlimited access to coffee, tea, and pop.  Ohhhh…maybe the 8-10 cups of coffee, tea, and diet dr pepper I’ve been drinking every day has made me OD on caffeine?  Ya think?

So I started switching to the caffeine-free diet coke after lunch.  So when I went in today, they took my blood pressure again.  It was kind of funny, because when the nurse did it…she frowned and got quiet.  Oh shit…”what?  what’s my pressure?”  “ummm…it’s fine…I’m getting 130/80…but I’m going to go get another cuff.”  wtf?  She came back in with another cuff and took it again.  130/80.  I think they were expecting it to be SKY HIGH again.  HA!  Back to normal, baby!

But then came the bad news: The doctor took the opportunity to go over the results of the bloodwork and such from my appointment a couple weeks ago, since MY ditz of a doctor hadn’t bothered to call me with them.  My cholesterol is high.  Much higher than last time.  Crap.  This is what a year of unemployed lay-around-on-my-ass time does.  HOPEFULLY now that I’m working again, moving around more, and eating better, it will go down, but in the meantime, he’s putting me on crestor.

CRESTOR!  That’s an old person drug!  I am not an old person!

Unacceptable.  I will only be on this until my big physical in october.  Then I will AMAZE MY DOC with my unbelieveably great cholesterol.

Err…just ignore that sausage mcmuffin I picked up for breakfast after I saw the doctor.  I needed it for…umm…foot healing strength.  yeah.  yeah, that’s right.  Foot healing…

OK, at least one person has asked to see my foot.  It is after the jump.  DO NOT CLICK “MORE” BELOW IF YOU DO NOT WANT TO SEE MY FOOT!  It is not horrifying, but it’s not pretty either.  So click at your own risk.

general foot health: last week I got a bug bite on my foot.  That I scratched.  Then I wore sandals with straps that irritated it further, and I scratched some more.  This developed into a rash, so I put my usual eczema cream on, and it only got worse.  And today I was limping around like Gimpy McGimperson – somehow, it got infected, puffed up my foot, and caused PAIN MUCH PAIN TO SHOOT UP MY LEG WITH EVERY PAINFUL STEP!

My guess is flesh eating bacteria.  Or leprosy.  Either way, if it’s not better tomorrow morning I’m going to the doctor. As I type this, I am soaking it in epsom salts and also eating blueberry pie.  I’m pretty sure both will help equally.

summary: I have no pictures to show of either.  I’m sure you are all totally disappointed.

Anyway…when it rains it pours here at chez evil. First some background: Kev’s work situation is still looking hairy, and they’ve cut back on hours. So he’s making less a week because he can’t work as long as he wants. I have gotten a part time job to pick up the slack (ugh. don’t ask. Just…don’t ask. It’s money, and that’s what counts – we didn’t have time to wait until I could get the fancy EVIL SCIENCE job. I needed something FAST, and this was available. paying bills and buying food and medicine takes precedence over all else!).

If we could get our finances stabilized, we were planning on using our tax refund to replace our AC, which is about 25 years old (original to the building, I believe), and uses a WHOPPINGLY inefficient amount of energy to run. And this is Atlanta – we need that sucker at PEAK performance.

Lately, though, our appliances seem to be letting us down. We just replaced our garbage disposal. Our dishwasher is occasionally dropping the ball on cleaning the dishes, and sometimes leaves certain items dirtier than they were before they were put in.

And then today…ugh.

I opened the freezer and started digging around the bottom, trying to find the pork loin I knew was in there to defrost for dinner tonight. And I noticed everything seemed to be covered with what looked like wet snow. And everything I picked up was suspiciously…soft.

The freezer was no longer frozen.

How did this happen? At first I thought maybe it was JUST the freezer. That couldn’t be SUCH bad news, right? If the fridge side was still working?

No. The fridge side wasn’t working either. Kev confirmed this when he got home. A very full fridge and freezer, slowly melting away…

GAMEPLAN

step 1. make a dinner that uses plenty of meat and dairy

done. made a GIANT amount of italian sausage, cooked with onions and wine, and served over super creamy polenta, made with milk and lots of cheese.

step 2. utilize the resources available

where Kev works, they have a full sized fridge and freezer, which, now that they are no longer providing free drinks to employees, is now mostly empty! We loaded plastic bags full of the critical freezer things. Meats that are still mostly frozen will go in the freezer, everything else into the fridge, and Kev will bring home dinner for cooking when he comes home at night.

step 3. buy ice. lots of ice

everything NOT going to Kev’s office will be kept in the fridge with plenty of ice, to be used up this week in breakfasts and lunches. this includes stuff like formerly frozen veggies and fruits (I anticipate smoothies this week), milk, yogurt.

step 4. call sears

ugh. at 11pm, when you call the 24/7 sears hotline, you get…india. And this isn’t one of those call centers where they PRETEND they’re not indian…where they have worked to get rid of their accents and rename themselves “Paul” and “Jenny.” This was full on accent, unpronounceable name, and VERY FAST TALKING. Dude…slow down…dude…what??? I didn’t understand most of what he said. Except that the earliest appointment I could get with a repairman is thursday, 8am-5pm. And then, he got SUPER PUSHY with me about this “special” they’re running. A normal appointment, just to get someone in the door, is $65. But, I COULD pay $250, which would cover parts and labor, and then if we do need a fridge, they’d give us $500 towards a new kenmore fridge. And OK…I said NO THANK YOU. And then, HE KEPT PUSHING IT! What a great deal it was! And it would cover all parts! With warranty! WHY DID I NOT WANT SUCH A FABULOUS DEAL???

because I know how this shit works. First of all, no one sees that $500, ever. What happens is, the guy comes and replaces the minimum number of parts as cheaply as possible. And that warranty? Probably has a list of exception 10 pages long. (“ok, ma’am? did you put ice cream in your freezer? Ok, yeah. If you’ll read your warranty, you’ll see that it does not cover any damage to the part made while there is ice cream in your freezer.”) And we know…WE KNOW we’re going to have to get a new fridge. We don’t want some slapjob repair to keep it limping along (even though the damn thing is only 7 YEARS OLD). If the repair bill is going to be several hundred dollars, we’ll just say screw it and buy a new fridge. It won’t be as nice as this one, most likely (I am so spoiled by the front water and ice cube dispenser), but it will be COLD. And our AC plans will be put on hold. And our power bills ginormous. Again. *weep*

So again, I say firmly NO THANK YOU, THE NORMAL SERVICE CALL WILL BE FINE. And THEN??? He asks me if I would like to talk to him about replacing our kitchen cabinets, or perhaps get all new appliances for the kitchen and laundry room? NO, NO THANK YOU. NO…NO…..NO!

ugh. I hate making these calls. We were going to make the appointment online, but had hoped talking to a real person might get us an earlier appointment. No such luck.

So yeah…it does seem a little like the universe is conspiring against us. Just at the time when we are in our biggest financial crunch is when thing start crapping out on us.

excuse me, I think I’ll go have a little cheese with my whine…OH WAIT…OUR CHEESE IS NOW IN A FRIDGE 8 MILES AWAY!!!

*weep*

ESC: Let me show you how it’s done

Kev: uh huh

ESC: *positions self over sink, positions neti pot in right nostril, tilts…waits…waits…waits…* GAAAARRRRRRRFFFFFF SNARRRKKKKK ERRRRRRRK BLEAAAAAAAAAACK!!!!!

Kev: is that how it’s done, then?

ESC: *wipes nose with tissue* damn straight! that takes SKILZ *observes reflection of snotty, salt water covered face, and starts laughing*

Kev: what?

ESC: oh baby, I am SO SEXY! I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU DON’T WANT TO FUCK ME SO BAD RIGHT NOW!!!!