Evilsciencechick » science!

I’ve got a hadron for science

ESC — Thu, 11 Sep 2008 03:20:18 +0000

Well! So the big hadron collider was fired up today.

*looks around*

And the universe seems to have survived it just fine. Of course, they haven’t gotten to the REALLY cool stuff yet. That’ll have to wait a few weeks. But I’m not going to place any crazy bets, or blow my life savings, or anything stupid before then. Because this universe ain’t going nowhere.

How do I know?

I don’t know. I don’t understand A SINGLE THING about how this collider thingy works. Well, I know there are particles. I know they will be going fast, and I know they will be slamming into each other, and that some freaky fun things might come out. But beyond that, it’s miles above my head.

So why am I so relaxed? Do I not REALIZE THAT THEY ARE PLAYING WITH THE FOUNDATION OF OUR UNIVERSE, TAUNTING GOD WITH THEIR HUBRIS AND LIABLE TO RIP THE VERY FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME????

uhh..what? No. And why?

Because very very very smart people work at CERN. Brilliant people. Who have spent their CAREERS planning for and building this machine. They have studied and prepared and discussed and argued with each other, and I’m sure at SOME point the whole “hey, could we destroy the universe?” question came up and was summarily rejected by people WHO KNOW THEIR SHIT.

Yet there are people out there who hear “particle collisions” after watching one too many movies and losing one too many foil hats and they LOSE THEIR MINDS! OMG MAD SCIENTISTS ARE TRYING TO DESTROY US ALL! And what’s more irritating is that PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM! Because somehow, the opinions of a few nutjobs who know NOTHING about such matters carries more weight than the opinions of the many many many hardworking scientists at CERN.

And this WOUNDS me. Right through the heart. Because that is a common theme today – people don’t trust scientists. Somehow, we’ve gone from “better living through science” to “omg, big science companies are trying to EAT MY SOUL!”

I am going to let you in on little secret: DESPITE the title of my blog, the vast majority of scientists in this world are not evil!

I’m going to let that sink in a bit.

…

You OK? Maybe you should sit down. Because it’s TRUE! Most scientists are not evil! OVERWHELMINGLY not evil! Even less have visions of world domination! It’s just not practical, as grad students make TERRIBLE minions. Yet in movie after movie, tv show after tv show, there are “evil” scientists, who are greedy and mean. Who will IGNORE terrible risks to life and limb for ABSOLUTE POWER, AND DAMN ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAA!

And no, sorry. It doesn’t work like that. There is little to gain by destroying the world. There is no funding for killing people. And basically, from a company’s perspective, there is no profit from the bad PR resulting from making people sick.

“but ESC! ESC! drug recalls!

Yep, drug recalls happen. The FDA approval process is LONG AND TEDIOUS. Believe me, because I’ve gone through the NDAs (new drug applications) myself. Testing trials are HUGE, and parameters are STRINGENT. Every detail is accounted for by the FDA (oooh, it’s so nickpicky. To make you WEEP!). But please remember that there are THOUSANDS of drugs on the market right now, and only a few get recalled a year. It’s not a perfect system. If you can come up with a better one, more power to you. Please call the FDA and let them know.

Science is not perfect. It is always evolving and changing as more data becomes available. And that is another reason science is BETTER than speculative opinion! Some mother who read some things on a mommy forum once is ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN 100% that vaccinations cause autism, and there is NOTHING that will ever change her mind. Science is based on data, as new data comes in, theories change, hypothesis rewritten. But that doesn’t make current theories useless. They are based on the ABSOLUTE BEST DATA AVAILABLE AT THE TIME. Which, please understand, should carry FAR more weight than this one time? My aunt’s best friend’s next door neighbor’s daughter cut out sweet n low and her CANCER WENT AWAY, because THAT IS NOT SCIENCE. That is anecdotal, and not statistically significant.

PLEASE people, I IMPLORE YOU! You can be healthily skeptical and still respect the science! Choose scientists over nut jobs. SCIENCE IS NOT EVIL! I SWEAR!

And THAT is why I have no concerns over some partical smashing. Because the scientists have said that the forces they are creating are forces that happen in nature all the time. And they know what they’re talking about. So I will take the conclusions of educated and trained scientists, over the opinions of a few vocal nut jobs.

So please, people, I beg of you, the next time someone tells you a drug, or a food product, or a scientific theory, or a whatever is BAD, find out why they think so. Are they scientists? Experts in their field? Do they have data to back up their opinion? And by data, I do NOT mean anecdotal “some lady somewhere ate non-organic beef and her baby was born with TWO HEADS!”. I mean good old fashioned, double-blind, placebo’ed, multi phased, peer-reviewed DATA.

You don’t have to understand it yourself. Just make sure the person you’re “buying” it from does.

additional thoughts

It occurs to me that one of the problems people have with science are it’s lack of absolutes. There are no “AWAYS” and “NEVERS” in science. Even the BIG LAWS OF PHYSICS may be different if you believe in an infinite number of universes and dimension (sorry, I’ve been listening to a lot of Radio Lab, and it’s kind of blown my mind). Science doesn’t deal with abosolutes. Scientific theory is based on current data – but that data may change tomorrow. People don’t like change. They WANT absolutes. This is BAD AND WILL KILL YOUR CHILDREN. This WILL GIVE YOU CANCER. They don’t want to here “this MAY…” But that’s just how it is. I’ll take it over hysterical bullshit any day.

amazing facts!

ESC — Thu, 01 May 2008 15:45:29 +0000

A few days a week, I participate in the email conversations between Aimee, Julie, Sloth, and myself. These conversations are one of the few things that keep me sane.

Julie:If I had door ice, I would use ice a lot more. In my world, I only use ice cubes in the summer to make iced tea and sangria, so right now my ice cube trays are half filled as the ice has mysteriously dissolved in the freezer over the course of the winter.

Aimee: How does it do that? That’s so weird.

ESC:it evaporates*. it happens very very slowly, because of the cold. but it happens MYSTERY SOLVED!

Julie: Wow. Hey, ESC? Why is the sky blue? And like bluer in the summer than it is in the winter? (I ask because if you know the answer to the ice cube mystery, you must know everything.)

ESC: I can only reveal one amazing scientific fact per day. it’s why I can’t ever be a teacher. oh, that? and I hate most kids.

* OK, OK…whatever science freaks are left that still read my blog are screaming “NOOOOOO!!!!” after reading that. Because TECHNICALLY it is not evaporation. It is sublimation, which is the process of a solid state going straight to a gaseous state, skipping right over the liquid state. Just like dry ice. And yes, a BETTER scientist would have answered the question with “sublimation” and launched into a complicated explanation. And that’s why these scientists don’t get invited to the fun parties.

this pretty much sums it up

ESC — Fri, 30 Nov 2007 07:28:16 +0000

toothpastefordinner.com

yeah, I know. I’m not counting this as a post. I just thought it was funny. Funny ’cause it’s true.

food 1, me 1

ESC — Thu, 30 Aug 2007 02:36:37 +0000

problem: I crave food at night. Sweets AND salty. This often leads to the consuming of a whole bag of chips or the baking of a sheet of brownies. This is not good.

solution: in all honesty, I’m going to crave what I crave. So let’s stock up things that will satisfy those cravings without giving me cankles and diabetes.

implementation of solution:

phase 1: purchase a bag of chips, but those thick, slightly burned kettle cooked chips. I can only eat a few at a time because they are so…hearty, compared to a sleeve of pringles.

result: hey, these are kind of gross but I only eat a few chips now! I can’t believe this actually worked.

phase 2: purchase a bulk box of fat free puddin’ cups from Costco. They are individually portioned, small, and eating one at night should satisfy my sweet tooth.

result: pudding cup consumption the past two days: 6

damn. more research needed.

dear drug company,

ESC — Wed, 16 May 2007 19:57:34 +0000

Thank you for coming out with a minty, chewable birth control pill. However, you do realize that your commercial advocating the EASE and CONVENIENCE of being able to take your pill at the same time of the day, no matter what you’re doing (riding the subway! climbing a ladder at work! exercising with your boyfriend!) is COMPLETELY NEGATED by the tiny phrase “take with a full glass of water” at the bottom of the screen.

do you know see how this defeats the whole point?

back to the lab bench, and try again. mkay?

you measure WHAT?

ESC — Tue, 01 May 2007 19:38:41 +0000

many years ago in the lab, there was a day of such awesome awesomeness that it defied all awesomeness that had come before it.

It was nearing the end of the day, and I was sitting at my bench and leafing through the huge pile of journals that had collected next to me (I was the last person in the lab journal rotation). I had a knack, which I’m sure you will all be SHOCKED to learn about, in finding the weirdest, most obscure, and sexually charged articles ever in the journals. You laugh, but yes, they exist. The best places to look for these kind of articles were in the journals of Science and Nature.

Yes, the sciencey geeks are nodding your heads. YOU know.

On this particular day, I found an article about duck phalluses. More specifically, AMAZINGLY LONG duck phalluses. We’re talking in terms of lenth in FEET, not inches, OK? VERY LONG DUCK PHALLUSES! CORKSCREW SHAPED, FOOTLONG DUCK PHALLUSES!

First…WHY do they need to be so long, and second…

WHO DOES THIS RESEARCH??? How amazingly awesome it would be to ask someone what they do for a living and they say “well…uhhh…I’m a graduate student…” “oh, what do you study?”

“dukmphhh phhmmsss”

“what?”

“duck phalluses”

“….WHAT?”

“I MEASURE DUCK PHALLUSES!”

“ohhhh…wow. uhhh…I’m going to go refresh my drink.”

Anyway, today I found the AMAZING UPDATE to the duck phallus story, compliments of BoingBoing. everything you wanted to know about male and female duck anatomy, but were afraid to ask.

this one’s for you, Brenda.

Slacker McLazypantz

ESC — Thu, 15 Feb 2007 19:47:57 +0000

Yeah yeah, I’m supposed to have posted something naughty and fun. And I didn’t. I have been busier than a one legged man making biscuits on the moon.

what???

I’m very tired. I’ve had very late evenings, either at work, or doing choir stuff. And last night, at around 9:30 Kev and I had our “more casual since we already went out and splurged for VD but we have no clean dishes and I’m too tired to cook” dinner of potstickers and sushi. Nothing says romantic holiday like a mouth full of raw fish.

Oh yeah. I said that.

I am totally jinxing myself right now, and my labmates are probably going to read this and *groan* and think “WHY did she SAY that???” BUT…

I am done with experiments. Once I finish collecting the data from the two I did this week, I am DONE! It’s not like I’ve been full time experimenting – there’s been a lot of writing in there, but now I can focus SOLELY on writing.

Of course, I have probably jinxed myself, as “I am done!” are famous last words, and I’m sure when my adviser looks at the data next week she will be unhappy with some error bars and make me do another experiment to see if I can tighten up some of the numbers.

But barring that, I am done. And now I just need to finish this damned writing. And then find a job.

But ONLY that. bwahaha! *sob*

bitchfest

ESC — Wed, 31 Jan 2007 23:28:05 +0000

1. I have not been feeling 100% this week. I haven’t mentioned it because OH MY GOD, am I sick of talking about my health. Seems like I’ve spent most of the last 2 months sick. But not “death’s door” sick. More like sore-throat-headache-tired-for-no-reason and running-to-the-bathroom-unpleasantness sick. IRRITATING SICK!!!!

2. I really don’t want to bitch about work here. Everyone can bitch about work, that is nothing new and very uninteresting. But I am dealing with A LOT right now – writing, finishing experiments, TRYING TO FIND A JOB, and dealing with a body that hit 30 and fell apart. So when someone drops something on my lap LAST MINUTE and asks for a RAPID TURNAROUND, I will do my best, but DO NOT get all BITCH on me if you don’t get it right away. I AM SORRY, BUT I HAVE MADE EVERYONE ELSE’S WORK A PRIORITY FOR TOO LONG AND IF I AM EVER GOING TO GRADUATE, I NEED TO DEAL WITH MY SHIT FIRST, OK? IT’S ALL GREAT THAT YOU ARE SO GRACIOUSLY PLANNING ON ADDING MY NAME TO THE PAPER BECAUSE OF THIS BUT SERIOUSLY, THAT DOES NOT MEAN A WHOLE LOT TO ME RIGHT NOW AS I AM TRYING TO GET MY OWN DAMNED PAPER FINISHED!!! AND…

and…

other shit too mean to say here about my advisor. REST ASSURED I am not happy. AND I AM THIS CLOSE TO SCREAMING FUCK. IT. ALL. AND ATTEMPTING TO GET A JOB AT THE YARN STORE.

Because I am just at that breaking point right now. And my head is killing me.

that is all.

it’s like rain

ESC — Thu, 11 Jan 2007 22:35:56 +0000

OK, time to fess up. I have been hiding things from blogland. Not really HIDING, just choosing not to share because really, I don’t feel like going all “in” to it.

Here is the crux of it: remember how I said a while back that I would be following my lab to NC once I graduated? And that I would work for my adviser for another year and then find a job up there?

Yeah. That’s not happening anymore. For a variety of reasons. Some of which I will not discuss here, because I know at least one person still in the lab reads this, and while I don’t think she’d “rat me out,” I really don’t want to air that stuff here. But basically, it came down to two things: there is no way I am going to be able to write my thesis, get the condo fixed up, and sell it in time to move to NC. In addition, there is not much more for me to do if I were to go up there. Just a few more experiments which would only take a few months. Something someone else in the lab – a newcomer, probably – would be able to do easily.

This comes as a huge relief, because I was NOT looking forward to figuring out when we’d have the time to get the condo in shape. And then to have Kev try to find a new job up there, now that he’s settled into his new job (with a raise!).

It also comes as a major panic attack, because OH MY GOD I HAVE TO FIND A JOB IN ATLANTA BY MARCH!!!

Again, this is an issue that has many parts. Technically, I shouldn’t have to panic TOO much, because I can do a post doc with someone, most likely at the same school I’m at now, or even across the street at the CDC. Post docs are plentiful – basically, you work in someone else’s lab, more independently than a grad student, and you try to get your own funding, which is why PI’s (like my advisor) like post-docs because usually you don’t have to fund them fully.

Here is the rub: I WANT OUT! OF! RESEARCH!

I’m done. Seriously. Done. I don’t want to do more research in another lab. I don’t want to take that research with me and get an academic position at another university and set up my own lab. I want OUT.

I want to do something else – science related, of course, but just NOT research.

Rub #2: jobs like this are incredibly hard to find. The irony is, you spend your grad school years thinking that you are being trained for your future. your parents and the rest of your family have no real concept of what you do, but because you are in “grad school,” they assume that hey, once you get OUT, now THEN is when you make the big bucks, right? People will be falling ALL OVER themselves to hire you! Why not? YOU’LL BE A DOCTOR!!!!

Your family has no clue.

The truth is I am over-qualified for most science related non-research positions out there, and under-qualified for the rest. Most positions seem to want people with a BS, not a doctorate. Or if they want a doctorate, they want you to have several years of experience in the field of…writing or training or whatever. I know this is a problem a lot of people had to deal with once they got out of college – everyone wants you to already have experience, no one wants to be the one to GIVE you that experience.

Similar to the asshole I “dated” that first year in atlanta.

The other problem is…I don’t actually know what I want to do. I don’t think I could teach. I don’t have the drive to go into sales. I would like to become a science/medical writer, except that aside from the paper and thesis, I don’t actually have that much experience writing. Except for this blog. And no way am I putting this on my resume’. I am KICKING myself for not starting a more serious science blog when I had the idea to. At least I’d have examples of my writing out there.

If I had to do it all over again, I’d have skipped the PhD program and just done a master’s in genetic counseling. I discussed this with the other woman “left behind” in the lab, who is also looking for a job, coming out of her post doc. She pointed out that I had all the genetic background I needed, I just needed to do an internship and maybe take a class or two. Cool! let me look into that…

no wait. There is NO genetic counseling program IN THE ENTIRE STATE. Therefore, there are no internships available that I can find. So all the jobs posted for genetic counselors here have to find people who were trained out of state.

Awesome.

I have spent the last mfmmffff years of my life training for I don’t even remember what anymore. I am overqualifed for everything and not qualified for anything. I am so frustrated I could just SCREAM. I should be “networking,” but I don’t have the time, and I don’t even know where to begin. I’m starting to really panic, and it’s distracting me from what I REALLY need to be doing, which is finishing my thesis!

*sigh*

maybe I should just quit all together and open up a yarn store somewhere. That sounds like such a nice business to be in. And make and sell crafts on the side. I have a design in my head for a new laptop bag (mine BROKE…AGAIN). I could do that. I’ve had to ignore the bulk of my creative side for a long time…

Of course, then I wouldn’t be the evilsciencechick anymore. I’d be…evilcraftychick, which SO doesn’t have the same ring to it.

Things will work out, I know they will. I’ve got lots of people here pulling for me – it’s a good support system. I can always suck it up and get a post doc – maybe something that will be a stepping stone into a non-research industry.

I just HATE this not knowing time. At what point in my life can I just say “ok, everything right now is exactly how it should be.”? When I have a good paycheck and no longer living in a shitty condo and a “savings account” where I have “extra money” to “save” for “things.” When does that happen? Because I am 30 and that seems way too old to be living paycheck to paycheck with second and third-hand furniture and a wardrobe full of target clearance rack clothes.

This turned out to be a very depressing post. I didn’t mean it to be that way. I promise something funny and dirty coming soon. I just really needed to get all this OUT of me.

Thanks

I’m not mad! I’m ANGRY! I’m an ANGRY SCIENTIST!

ESC — Tue, 19 Dec 2006 03:17:37 +0000

reference? anyone? kind of obscure.

I am emotionally and physically drained, yo.

This morning I had a committee meeting. Not just any committee meeting. THEEE committee meeting. Where there is no presentation of data. There is just an outline:

1. this is what I have done

2. this is what I am doing, and when I will be finished

3. when do I graduate?

annnnd…the answer to that?

March. Come hell or high water. Either I defend in march, or I will be asked politely but firmly to leave.

This is plenty of time, though. It’s just going to be a lot of work.

There is even MORE work I have to do, related to a discussion I had with my adviser. A discussion that resulted in my very near future becoming both very certain and very uncertain, at the same time.

I’m just not ready to talk about it here yet. Soon, though.

Then there was the defense. Of the other grad student in the lab – Amy, who had moved with the lab to Duke, but came back to defend.

She defended today and graduated. This is good – I’m very happy for her. She worked hard, and she deserved to graduate.

But…

She’s two years behind me, and she graduated first. This stings. A lot.

There are many reasons why this happened this way, and I’m not going to rehash them here, because it will come out bitchy and whiney and really, I don’t feel that way. I am a little sad, though. I am a mix of conflicted emotions.

I did get to see BRENDA! for the first time since she left for Boston. Oh good lord, I miss Brenda. I have a feeling she is going to be getting many calls from me over the next 3 months and will be forced to talk me down from the ledge.

(And Brenda? I know you’re going through all kinds of crazy medical shit right now, stuff that no one should have to go through. But I do have to say…you look GREAT! seriously. Boston agrees with you, you are skinny, girl. Awesome)

And to top it all off, I missed the 6:00 shuttle. I picked up the 6:20 one, which didn’t get me back to my car until 6:53.

Here’s the problem with that: I ordered prints from Wolf Camera last night. Wedding pictures. As christmas gifts for my family, which MUST go in the mail tomorrow.

And Wolf closes at 7pm. So I have a few seconds to make a decision: do I make a suicidal drive to Wolf camera, or do I pick them up tomorrow morning and just stuff them in the box to mail and have my mother deal with getting them in frames and albums.

Suicidal drive, of course. EFFECTIVE! Got there at 6:59. I have no idea how. Well, yes I do: 50 in a 35 zone. Pictures picked up, and I am saved from family drama.

So it was with MUCH EXCITEMENT that when I finally got home and checked the mailbox, I found it stuffed with christmas cards, a gift from Julie, and not one, not two, but THREE locker keys. Lockers which contained FOUR boxes: two gifts I ordered for Kev, my soap and lip balm from Serra, and a christmas gift from my mom.

(Julie got me a go-knit pouch and a booklet explaining the magic loop method for knitting socks. If you didn’t understand any of that, you are not a knitter, and don’t have to worry about it, except that it was an AWESOME gift)

and THEN, there were TWO MORE packages waiting at my door AND a slip on my door telling me I had to sign for a package at the post office.

Merry Christmas to me. One of the boxes was my grandma’s presents to us, including her homemade poppy seed roll, which will never see christmas morning. Good god, I love poppy seed rolls.

Then we made the evening complete by going out for mexican food. I am too much of an emotional roller coaster to cook right now.

annnnd…that’s it. Right?

What?

wedding pictures? yeah. I got my wedding pictures. most of them. that’s a WHOLE ‘nother post.

what, you want to SEE them? ALL OF THEM???

no.

you can see one for now. you’ll have to come back if you want to see more. I’m mean like that.