Pick a fight you can win.  You want to uphold the sanctity of marriage?  Start by preserving the marriages that exist.  Pour your money and time into groups that provide counseling, childcare, family planning – all things that help relieve the biggest stresses on marriages: money, and kids.  Educate your daughters about healthy relationships, and put an emphasis on waiting to get married until they are sure of themselves and their partner…NOT waiting to have sex so that they can marry too young just to “do it” with your blessing.  Teach them that pop stars are not role models.

Educate your sons about respecting women, taking responsibility for their actions, and that marriage is not some kind of “trap” that they are “tricked” into like some kind of hollywood/prime time tv stereotype.  Teach them that douchebags are not role models.

You want to save marriage?  SAVE MARRIAGES. CREATE HEALTHY NEW MARRIAGES. Do not waste your time trying to prevent something that will NEVER EVER HAVE AN EFFECT on you.  Stop being assholes and do something USEFUL for once, so I can stop being ashamed to call myself a christian.

*because the owner of the small company my husband works for is an IDIOT, that’s why.

I talked her out of about half the tests she wanted to do, so that only the bare essentials were done.  I got out of there for just under $200.  Not too bad.

Tuesday I noticed my back starting to hurt.  Oh shit.  Not this again.  Fortunately, I still had some celebrex samples leftover from my last adventure, so I popped one of those in the afternoon.

Didn’t do a thing.

Huh.

Wednesday morning I took another celebrex, just in case the other one was a dud (that happens, right?) and went to work, noticing that the pain wasn’t in the same spot as it was the last time – it was higher and on the right side of my back.  Weird.  I enjoyed our Thanksgiving luncheon at work…but halfway through started to feel…not nauseous…just…weird.  Like, maybe it would be best if I stopped eating, right…NOW.

I took some Tylenol, the only other pain med I could take with celebrex still in my system, and after about an hour or so felt good enough to pick slowly at the plate of yummy desserts I had brought back to my desk.  That night I took it easy and popped some more tylenol.

Thursday morning I woke up and didn’t feel good at all.  The pain had spread around my side and front on the right side.  I took more tylenol and started to get ready for work, but a wave of pain hit me so hard I buckled over.  I had chills.  Then I was hot.  Then I was chilled.  I took my temperature.  I had a slight fever, but I couldn’t tell much by that because I had been taking so much tylenol.  Was that a bad thing?  I didn’t know.

I couldn’t do it.  I couldn’t go to work.  I stripped and crawled back into bed…crying.  Because this was not good.  This was very serious.  And it was MORE serious in that I was going to have to see my doctor again, and more tests would have to be done, and there was NO WAY I was getting out of there for under $200.  And Kev held me and took the morning off work and we just lay in bed together until the Tylenol kicked in and I could fall back asleep.

Later that afternoon I made it to the doctor’s office and they saw me pretty quickly.  She poked and prodded my belly and found the spot that was tender.

Doc: hmm…pain there is associated with the gall bladder.

Me: I don’t have a gall bladder anymore

Doc: hmmm…

I was given two choices.

1. She could draw blood for tests.  Give me antibiotics.  And send me to get a CAT scan.  Bloodwork and scan results would be in some time the following week.

2. ER.

She wanted me to go to the ER, because then they could do all the tests immediately and I could find out quickly what was wrong with me.

ER = $$$$  At least $2000 out of pocket, between the deductable and the 20% we’d be responsible for after that.  AND if I don’t get real health insurance by the time my 6 month temp insurance runs out, I wouldn’t be able to reapply for it again.

I chose to stay and have the bloodwork done in the office.  I could always do the ER if things got worse.  So they drew blood.  They gave me a shot of antibiotics.

nurse: soo…umm..this is going to hurt.  but it will hurt WORSE tomorrow, ok?

me: ok…

nurse: *jab*

me: IIIII’m henry the 8th I am!  King Henry the 8th I am I am!  I got married to the widow next door!  She’s been married seven…TIMES before! *weeeeeeeep!*

FUCK THAT HURT.

The office manager gave me paperwork for a CAT scan.  With the price written on it.  $750.  And that was at the CHEAP place.

Doc visit + bloodwork + shot: $358

one week’s worth of augmentin (antibiotic): $44

Total medical bills for the week: around $600

There would be no CAT scan for me. Sorry Doc.

That night I dosed myself with some old percocet we had (though doc had written me a script for them – 60 of them!  they apparently give them out like candy!) and stayed off my right side.

Praise Jesus, Mary, Joseph, and Casper the Friendly Ghost, I woke up Friday feeling so much better.  No more fever.  No more chills.  Pain on right side faded to a dull ache.  For fear of risking my future job prospects there, I needed to get to work.  I got there an hour late and made it through the rest of the day.

Today the pain is faded even more, but I’m still getting tired easily. Just taking it a day at a time.

Hopefully, the bloodwork will shed some light on what happened, but I might never really know.

But do you see this?  These choices I had to make?  And how much it cost, even with just the bare minimum of care?  And we are LUCKY!  LUCKY that we’re both currently employed…though for how much longer is anyone’s guess.  I took a GIANT risk with my own life because I was afraid of wracking up medical bills that would have bankrupted us fast.  It was LUCK that the minimal of care ($400!) seems to have solved the problem.  Already because of this, plans have to be scaled back, finances adjusted.  So it’s Happy Birthday to me and Merry Christmas to us when I get my bloodwork results back, because that’s what it’s come to.  But it could have been so much worse.  And I don’t even want to think about what would have happened if had been worse.  Or if it’s not over yet.  I still have some pain – whatever it is that’s inside me is not gone yet.  I have to hope that the next 5 days of antibiotics will kill it off for good.

So for those of  you out there that think there is nothing wrong with our current health care system in the country, FUCK YOU.  No one should have to make a choice between their health and paying their bills that month.

I am so lucky.

Nuh uh.  I got dosed with enough double strand breaking x-rays, thank you.  My doc shall hand over the x-rays or there will be WORDS!

Now, I had the x-rays done at an imaging center of a local hospital, but it was my doc who called me the next day with the results.  So I called his office on Monday morning to see if I could get the x-rays the next day – Kev could pick them up on his way to work.  Note: I specifically asked for the X-RAYS.

The woman on the phone seemed confused by my request.

“If your doctor hasn’t read the x-ray yet, we can’t release them.”

“He HAS read them.  This was last week.  I already got the diagnosis.”

“Well, I’m going to have to get back to you on that.”

wtf?  They didn’t get back to me.

Kev called them the next morning.  They told him that my doc wasn’t in, and HE was the one who had to sign off on the x-rays.  Fine.  Fine.  I call again.  I NEED MY X-RAYS!

“Dr T isn’t in to sign off on them.”

“will he be in tomorrow morning to sign off on them?”

“where did you get your x-rays done?”

“at [local medical center]”

“hmmm…what’s your date of birth?  you’re not in their system.”

“what?  I KNOW I’m in their system.  [gives date of birth FOR THE 3RD TIME] They’ve had me in their system since my colonscopy in 2003″

“no, you’re not in here…what’s your date of birth again?”

“please…PLEASE…I just need my x-rays.”

“ok, ok, they’ll be at the front desk tomorrow morning for pick up.”

Wednesday, I get a call from Kevin.  He had stopped to pick up the x-rays.  Except…they didn’t give him x-rays.  They didn’t HAVE the x-rays.  They gave him a photocopy of the diagnosis that they received from the medical center.  THEY NEVER HAD THE X-RAYS.  DO YOU THINK AT SOME POINT DURING THESE PHONE CONVERSATIONS THEY MIGHT HAVE MENTIONED THIS FACT TO ME???

Christ.

So I had to call the medical center and arrange to pick up my x-rays on the day of my appointment, meaning I had to leave work EVEN EARLIER because they closed at 4.  GREAT.

BUT!!!  the AWESOME part of the story??  My x-rays?  WERE ON A CD.  And as I had some time to kill before my appoinment, HELL YES I popped that bad boy into the laptop.

and so…for your VIEWING ENTERTAINMENT….

MY LOWER SPINE!

front view – according to the diagnosis, you can see the surgical clips that are remnants of my gall bladder surgery.  I can’t see them.

side view

and in case you need a closeup…

creeeeeeeeeeepy!!!

WELL!  I hope you’ve enjoyed this foray into my bones.  I know I certainly have!  OUR INSIDES ARE CREEPY GROSS AND FASCINATING!

On the plus side, I can listen to my ipod while I work (seems rude to do that when she’s sitting across from me), which means I get to listen to my new favorite soundtrack, Hairspray, AS OFTEN AS POSSIBLE.  Dudes, I can’t get enough of this music.  What is wrong with me?  It’s so peppy!  Upbeat!  Cheery!  Totally unlike me.  I think I’m coming down with something serious.

In other happy news, I’m happy to see that the brief passionate vag-fest love affair with Palin seems to be hitting the wall.  Charging victims for rape kits and exams?  NOT COOL, SWEETIE.  In a state where rape and domestic abuse is worse (by population) than anywhere else in america?  VERY NOT COOL, SWEETIE!

Like my man Jon Stewart said the other day about her, as she gave a speech that included conflicting and confusing statements about the economy (“we need to regulate wall street!”  “we need to get the government out of private corporations!” wha?) – “did she win a prize?  on a call in show?”  Seriously, sweetie it’s ADORABLE that you want to be veep but really?  You really can’t be.  You’re just too much of a…what’s the word I’m looking for…CUNTSTAIN ON THE PANTIES OF AMERICA.

*ahem*  happy place…

That’s better…

How do I know?

I don’t know.  I don’t understand A SINGLE THING about how this collider thingy works.  Well, I know there are particles.  I know they will be going fast, and I know they will be slamming into each other, and that some freaky fun things might come out.  But beyond that, it’s miles above my head.

So why am I so relaxed?  Do I not REALIZE THAT THEY ARE PLAYING WITH THE FOUNDATION OF OUR UNIVERSE, TAUNTING GOD WITH THEIR HUBRIS AND LIABLE TO RIP THE VERY FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME????

uhh..what?  No.  And why?

Because very very very smart people work at CERN.  Brilliant people.  Who have spent their CAREERS planning for and building this machine.  They have studied and prepared and discussed and argued with each other, and I’m sure at SOME point the whole “hey, could we destroy the universe?” question came up and was summarily rejected by people WHO KNOW THEIR SHIT.

Yet there are people out there who hear “particle collisions” after watching one too many movies and losing one too many foil hats and they LOSE THEIR MINDS!  OMG MAD SCIENTISTS ARE TRYING TO DESTROY US ALL!  And what’s more irritating is that PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM!  Because somehow, the opinions of a few nutjobs who know NOTHING about such matters carries more weight than the opinions of the many many many hardworking scientists at CERN.

And this WOUNDS me.  Right through the heart.  Because that is a common theme today – people don’t trust scientists.  Somehow, we’ve gone from “better living through science” to “omg, big science companies are trying to EAT MY SOUL!”

I am going to let you in on  little secret: DESPITE the title of my blog, the vast majority of scientists in this world are not evil!

I’m going to let that sink in a bit.

…

…

…

You OK?  Maybe you should sit down.  Because it’s TRUE!  Most scientists are not evil!  OVERWHELMINGLY not evil!  Even less have visions of world domination!  It’s just not practical, as grad students make TERRIBLE minions.  Yet in movie after movie, tv show after tv show, there are “evil” scientists, who are greedy and mean.  Who will IGNORE terrible risks to life and limb for ABSOLUTE POWER, AND DAMN ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY!  BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAA!

And no, sorry.  It doesn’t work like that.  There is little to gain by destroying the world.  There is no funding for killing people.  And basically, from a company’s perspective, there is no profit from the bad PR resulting from making people sick.

“but ESC!  ESC!  drug recalls!

Yep, drug recalls happen.  The FDA approval process is LONG AND TEDIOUS.  Believe me, because I’ve gone through the NDAs (new drug applications) myself.  Testing trials are HUGE, and parameters are STRINGENT.  Every detail is accounted for by the FDA (oooh, it’s so nickpicky.  To make you WEEP!).  But please remember that there are THOUSANDS of drugs on the market right now, and only a few get recalled a year.  It’s not a perfect system.  If you can come up with a better one, more power to you.  Please call the FDA and let them know.

Science is not perfect.  It is always evolving and changing as more data becomes available.  And that is another reason science is BETTER than speculative opinion!  Some mother who read some things on a mommy forum once is ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN 100% that vaccinations cause autism, and there is NOTHING that will ever change her mind.  Science is based on data, as new data comes in, theories change, hypothesis rewritten.  But that doesn’t make current theories useless.  They are based on the ABSOLUTE BEST DATA AVAILABLE AT THE TIME.  Which, please understand, should carry FAR more weight than this one time?  My aunt’s best friend’s next door neighbor’s daughter cut out sweet n low and her CANCER WENT AWAY, because THAT IS NOT SCIENCE.  That is anecdotal, and not statistically significant.

PLEASE people, I IMPLORE YOU!  You can be healthily skeptical and still respect the science!  Choose scientists over nut jobs.  SCIENCE IS NOT EVIL!  I SWEAR!

I bought two pair of jeans from Lany Bryant, which has overhauled the sizing system completely for their line of jeans.  Kind of annoying, because I had to get MEASURED and boy wasn’t THAT FUN?  But kind of cool because I can say HEY I WEAR A SIZE 6, SO W00T!  Last time I could say that I was a kid and wore size 6x (never understood the x.  none of the other sizes had x.  could someone explain that to me?)  I love the jeans, they fit perfectly in the hips and butt (which NEVER happens) except that for some reason they smell like funky mulch.  Even after a wash.  Why, Lane Bryant?  Why do your jeans smell like funky mulch?  I am going to have to soak these suckers in febreez, dammit.

I’ve been knitting, but sadly the two projects I’m working on are SOOPER SEKRIT!  Which is FUN!  But BORING FROM A BLOG PERSPECTIVE.

OH hell, I’ll show some pictures anyway:

wow, right?

AND ALSO:

awesome!

Surely I’ll have something more to say this week.  Still seething about politics right there.  This isn’t a political blog, and I’ve never been much of a pundit, so I’ll just try to avoid…

HEY YOU STUPID BITCH IF YOU’RE GONNA KEEP SAYING THAT YOUR QUALIFICAITONS TO LEAD INVOLVE YOUR STELLER FAMILY LIFE, THEN DON’T CRY A BITCH FIT WHEN THAT FAMILY LIFE IS QUESTIONED.   AND IF YOU KEEP TALKING ABOUT HOW BEING A PTA HOCKEY MOM MAKES YOU QUALIFIED TO LEAD, THEN I KNOW TWO PEOPLE , ONE OF WHOM IS MY MOM, WHO ARE IMMANENTLY MORE QUALIFIED THAN YOU.  DID YOU HOST LUNCHEONS?  BAKE SOME CUPCAKES?  WELL MY MOM DROVE TO HARRISBURG EVERY WEEK TO LOBBY FOR EDUCATION LEGISLATION WHEN SHE WAS IN THE PTA.  WHAT DID YOU DO, AGAIN?  ANYTHING AT ALL?  NO?  I DIDN’T THINK SO.

what?  what the fuck just happened?  I feel dizzy.

Anywho, surely I will be back to my old blogging self soon.

And on that note, let me say: crunchy hippie yuppies of atlanta?  FUCK YOU.  where are you?  You are not riding the MARTA.  I’ll bet you are sitting in traffic, ALONE AND NOT CARPOOLING in your hybrids.  You think you are doing good, but you are not.  You are contributing to the HUGE TRAFFIC PROBLEM.  Bunch of hypocrites.  I know MARTA doesn’t go everywhere, but it does go a lot of places.  On the train it was me, 4 other white folk (nervous looking white folk – pussies) and everyone else was black.  I’m not going to say that the only people who care that much about the environment are crunchy white folks, but you know…well…yeah.  It’s probably true.  The loudest, most annoying ones seem to be, anyway.  (HEY, ESC IS A TOTAL RACIST!  LET’S FLAME HER!  Please don’t.  These are just my own personal experiences, and I’m trying to make a point here.)

And that point is:

HYPOCRITICAL OVERPAID ANNOYING HIPPIE WHITE FOLK!  RIDE MARTA TO WORK!  IT IS NOT AT ALL SCARY!

Case in point, I was standing for part of my morning commute when a seat opened up next to a young man sporting corn rows, baggy clothes, and a sour expression.  No one made a MOVE to grab that seat.  And HELL YES I did.  A seat!  SCORE!  As long as the person next to me isn’t overly dirty or have visible weeping sores, I will sit next to ANYONE.  Because that dude?  Was not a thug.  Thugs do not ride MARTA at 7:30am.  Thugs are SLEEPING at 7:30am.  That dude was going to work.  And I got a seat and was able to read my book in peace.  (Hey, FINALLY finished Making Money by Terry Pratchett.  Awesome!  I think Moist is slowly becoming my new favorite character.)

Anyway, except for the fact that I lost my work badge somewhere on the free shuttle from the MARTA station to the office complex, my commute to and from work was without incident.  And aside from the mile and a half drive to the MARTA station and back, I will hardly be using any gas.  Sweet!  More money for yarn and good food!  MADE OF WIN!

and then, an hour and a half before it was time to leave, two, count ‘em TWO people each plop big projects right on our laps.  Thank good, neither one was “ASAP!”  but still, really?  Could you not have given us this stuff to do DAYS ago, when we were bored out of our skulls?  Because monday the managers will be back, and they will probably have OMG ASAP I NEED THIS 10 MINUTES AGO! stuff for us to do.

grrrr…

This morning I drove to a walk in clinic to have my first ever URINE DRUG TEST!  I am happy to report that years of clean and boring living have produced nothing but the very purest and cleanest urine (I am sure my new-found pee fetish blog fans are going to LOOOOVE that.  Don’t ask.  Long story.  Ugh.) and I passed with flying colors.  It was a little like watching a pregnancy test though, because the test involved a little cartridge with two panels on it that changed color, except that you WANTED the little bars to show up.  Woohoo!  Drug free.  I can keep my job.

And wow…there are some SKETCHY people in the waiting room of the walk in clinic…yeah.  My cute bag and I will just be on our way now…thanks!

SP: OK!  So let me get the times you are available, and I’ll call you back later today and let you know when your interview is.

Me: excellent!  *gives times available*

THE REST OF THURSDAY: SILENCE, I SEND HER AN EMAIL OH-SO CASUALLY ASKING “WHAT’S UP?”

*****

Last friday, phone call

SP: OK, so it looks like the interviews will probably be Monday and Tuesday.  Are you availabe on Tuesday?

Me: yep, all day.

SP: OK great.  I should be getting confirmation of your interview time tomorrow, and I will give you a call and leave you my cell phone number, so you can call me with any questions.

Me: OK!

****

SATURDAY: NO CALL

****

SUNDAY: NO CALL

****

Monday morning, get voicemail:

SP: Hey, this is N.  Your interview will be on Tuesday at 2:30, so give me a call back so I can confirm you’ll be able to make it, give you directions, and such.

I call her.

SP: OK, it looks like your interview is going to be in the afternoon.

Me: OK.

SP: Yeah, probably between…3:30 and 5:30, is that going to work for you?

Me: Sure…?

SP: OK, I’ll go ahead and confirm that and give you a call back later today to let you know exactly when your interview will be.

Me: …OK, great.

time passes….more time…even more time…

I send email before I leave for work at 5:30 – would it be possible to please send me interview confirmation and directions via email, as I will not have access to my phone until after 10pm.

10pm: god.  fucking.  dammit.

NO EMAIL.  NO PHONE MESSAGE.  WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE????  DO I HAVE AN INTERVIEW OR NOT?  SERIOUSLY, THIS IS REALLY REALLY REALLY PISSING ME OFF AND IF I DIDN’T NEED A JOB SO BADLY I WOULD DROP THIS SHIT!

*weep*