Evilsciencechick » misc

the FDA is my coconspirator

ESC — Wed, 01 Apr 2009 00:47:28 +0000

ATTEMPT #1 TO KILL MY HUSBAND:

2007 – purchase two large jars of Peter Pan brand peanut butter (as part of a buy one get one free sale). Allow enough time for one jar to be eaten by husband, before nationwide recall due to salmonella contamination of the exact same lot number as previously purchased and eaten.

Husband shows no ill effects. Attempt #1 is a failure.

ATTEMPT #2 TO KILL MY HUSBAND:

2009 – purchase 4lb bag of pistachios for husband from Costco days before another recall due to salmonella contamination.

Find out from Costco coorperate that the recall does not effect their products.

Attempt #2 is also a failure.

Anyone got any leads on the next big food recall? Because apparently I have a death wish for Kev.

*************

Sadie is getting extra clingy in her old age. Well, she’s always been clingy. Now I’m noticing that she will stretch out anywhere on the floor and doze off. But the second I get up to use the bathroom, she’ll get up and half follow me to look through the bedroom door. Once she’s determined that my bedroom door has NOT become a portal to a different dimension and that in all liklihood, I WILL return shortly…she retreats to her cubby bed, where she feels safe. After I return to my spot on the couch, she’ll walk back to where she was lying down earlier and stretch out again.

She is so weird. I don’t know where she gets it.

a FABULOUS and hot italian widow

ESC — Wed, 03 Sep 2008 00:06:01 +0000

This was one of the two dresses I bought on Sunday, and the one I wore today. YOU GUYS! THIS DRESS! IS SO COMFORTABLE!!! I demand that everyone go buy it and wear it and be comfy yet sexy all day. I didn’t even wear any additional underdoohickies to smooth things out – it was so freeing! And normally it wouldn’t even be something I would even try on, especially as it’s all black, and women with my complexion tend to look like an old italian widow in black. BUT I was inspired to try it on after I stole it from some bitch’s clothes pile after she yelled at me for stealing her dressing room.*

I love INC. It’s like a few years ago, they held a meeting and decided, after much discussion, that they should focus their line of plus-sized clothes on items that would look great on ME. Though sadly for me, they decided to price many of these items right out of my affordability range. Fortunately, I occasionally hit a sale – I got that dress for about $25 less. AND I CAN’T WAIT TO WEAR IT AGAIN! Woohoo!

And it’s a good thing I felt super fab and confident today, because OMG! People! Can we make deadlines and STICK TO THEM? Because this whole “I need A this week and B in a couple weeks” turning a few hours later into “Hey, I need A AND B…yesterday. Can we make that happen?” Is getting REEEEEALLY old. I can understand it happening now and then, but this is becoming a theme that is running through EVERY SINGLE PROJECT we’ve been getting recently. It’s mentally exhausting.

So exhausting that the ranty rant mcranterson post I’ve been mentally composing since FRIDAY about the ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME WITH THIS SARAH PALIN SHIT YOU DUMBASS OLD GUY??? will have to wait another day. In the meantime, go ahead and read EVERY OTHER BLOG AND NEWS SITE IN THE WORLD about it. Mkay?

Mkay.

*hey bitch – leaving your empty, lipstick-stained dunkin donuts coffee cup in a dressing room does NOT mean you get to reserve it for the entirety of your shopping day. SO STEP OFF, YOU NASTY, UGLY OLD BITCH!

capitalist pig

ESC — Sat, 30 Aug 2008 19:57:47 +0000

Wednesday was my mother’s birthday, but our gift didn’t arrive until friday. I bought her a bunch of things from World Market – online, and just had them shipped straight to her. She said it was like Christmas! So many things to unwrap!

ESC: did you like the earrings?

Mom: oh yes, they’re very nice.

ESC: I couldn’t really tell how nice they were from the website, but the one review said they were elegant and beautiful.

Mom: well, that’s definitely me.

ESC: exactly what I thought.

My mom got a promotion! She’s now the program coordinator at the library. No raise, of course, but she can work from home if she wants. So yay mom!

*********

*around 4:30 am friday morning*

ESC: zzzzzzzzz….mmmm….sigghhh…*streeeeetc….* buh? uh? nnn…nno…nonononononoooooooooo GAAAAAAAAAH! GAAH GAAAH GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Kev: zzzzzz…mmm…wha? what? WHAT?? WHAT’S WRONG???

ESC: *shrieking and pointing at leg, specifically at right calf muscle, which is trying unsuccessfully to crawl up into the kneecap region* mmmm..mmmah…legg….cchhh….chh…chh…CHARLIE! CHARLIE HORSE!!! WAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!

Kev: *rubs calf until muscle relents and goes back to normal position in a huff*

ESC: eeehhh eehhh ehhhh eehhh….OK…it’s OK…OK…ahhh….OK

*we both lay back in bed, feeling the adreniline slowly work it’s way our of our systems*

Kev: well. now I’m awake.

ESC: sorry. zzzzzzzzzzzzz…

always an adventure here at chez evil.

***************

While I am on a yarn diet in anticipation of SAFF, I am not on any other kind of merchandise diet. Case in point, today I bought $300 worth of work attire from Macy’s – one suit, 2 dresses, 4 blouses – all on sale, thank god. Otherwise it would have been MUCH more (got a $240 suit for $120!). But still… GACK! Though with the gift cards and return credits I had accumulated, I only had to pay $150. Whew! Fashion show coming soon.

Last month, I did finally purchase a cute wristlet from a seller on etsy.

cell phone added for size comparison

And while I’m completely happy with the wristlet itself, I’m not completely thrilled with the customer service I got, so I’m not going to pimp her here. However, if you really like it and want one of your own, you can email me and I’ll send you the name of the seller. Just be prepared to wait longer than you’d think. And don’t expect any communication while you wait, either. It is a very nice bag, though. The perfect size for my wallet and cellphone, and I can throw it in my giant work bag. And when I want to go out for lunch, I don’t have to lug around the giant work bag, just my cute wristlet. Genius, right?

My other good score was a great deal at Goodwill, a place I peruse from time to time looking for something other than tacky 80′s room decor.

A set of 6 dessert/salad sized plates for $7 plus tax! I’m sure Betsy would say I overpaid, but oh well. I’m not reselling them, I’m using them to replace 4 craptacular plates I bought for $1 each at Target around 5 years ago. These are nicer and they coordinate nicely with our regular dinner plates. Go me!

brief pictorial

ESC — Fri, 29 Aug 2008 03:33:10 +0000

This is what a disassembled mattress looks like piled up on your living room floor.

Very nice, huh? It’s going out to the dumpster tonight.

And this is what a batch of delicious stuffed tomatoes looks like:

Very yummy! Recipe here.

tough to be a gangsta with chapped lips

ESC — Fri, 15 Aug 2008 23:11:29 +0000

brief foot update: it is healing, though still swollen and a little sore. I no longer walk with a limp now, so that is good.

seen on MARTA this morning:

A guy doing his best gangsta look: hair braided back, baggy shirt, baggy shorts, earphones blaring something loud, indifferent sneer on his face…

…all completely ruined when he reached into his pocket, pulled out a small pot of lip balm, dipped his middle finger in, and carefully applied it on his lips.

javagasm

Our breakroom has a coffee/tea machine that uses small individual pouches of coffee grounds or tea leaves to brew up each cup. There are many coffee choices: columbian, house blend, sumatra, kona blend, hazelnut and decaf.

I was waiting behind my office-mate, D, while she brewed her coffee. “What kind did you pick?” I asked.

“kama sutra.”

“…what???”

“SUMATRA! I meant sumatra!!!”

“so how was YOUR night????”

smellypost

ESC — Wed, 13 Aug 2008 03:37:19 +0000

the smelt experiment: 2/3 successful. I breaded them in a mix of bread crumbs, parm cheese, chopped garlic, and parsley. Kev liked them. Sadie liked them. I…um…tolerated them. And then I fed the last two on my plate to Sadie. They are too funky tasting for me. And funky smelling. I will have to experiment with a DIFFERENT fish next time.

general foot health: last week I got a bug bite on my foot. That I scratched. Then I wore sandals with straps that irritated it further, and I scratched some more. This developed into a rash, so I put my usual eczema cream on, and it only got worse. And today I was limping around like Gimpy McGimperson – somehow, it got infected, puffed up my foot, and caused PAIN MUCH PAIN TO SHOOT UP MY LEG WITH EVERY PAINFUL STEP!

My guess is flesh eating bacteria. Or leprosy. Either way, if it’s not better tomorrow morning I’m going to the doctor. As I type this, I am soaking it in epsom salts and also eating blueberry pie. I’m pretty sure both will help equally.

summary: I have no pictures to show of either. I’m sure you are all totally disappointed.

m.c. escher, parking architect

ESC — Fri, 18 Jul 2008 02:50:45 +0000

Sorry, can’t blog. I’m lost in the parking garage at work. Seriously, there’s a 4th dimension here somewhere between one end and the other. I’ve been driving around for 3 days, trying to find the exit. I can SEE it, but somehow I just can’t make it over there.

As soon as I get out, expect a big catch up post, full of work updates, exciting mostly FO and WIP pics, and maybe even an adorable Sadie pic! MAYBE!

But first I need to get out of here. I think if I go up this ramp, and then around, skip the first ramp down and turn at the SECOND ramp, I should find the way out…

weekend lessons learned

ESC — Sun, 13 Jul 2008 04:44:51 +0000

1. although “gimme gimme gimee” by ABBA has a GREAT beat to walk around the indoor track to, the hip gyrations and jazz hands it induces may garner you strange looks from the teenagers playing basketball below.

2. Kevin doesn’t like it when I do jazz hands in public, either. And he DEFINITELY won’t join in.

3. I prefer baking at night. During the day, it just seems decadent, I feel like I should be doing something else. But at night, baking is a nice winding down activity. Though the mess is a pain to clean up.

4. no matter how careful I am, I will always splatter some of that uber-staining liquid I am cooking with (this time: blackberry sauce) on my shirt, which will always be one of my nicer ones. Too late, I remember that I own 4 aprons.

5. after an hour of working out, and then walking around doing many errands, I develop old lady legs, and can no longer move from sitting down to standing up without grunting and moaning. I have become my grandmother.

new purse

ESC — Tue, 13 May 2008 06:10:41 +0000

Oh New Purse, how I love you so. We were meant to be together, you and I. We meet each other’s needs perfectly. Not like my Old Purse. Old Purse was a cheap fling, found at the spur of the moment and only to fulfill a temporary need. Old Purse and I never really got along, and Old Purse never really lived up to its potential. It was floppy and nonsupporting. And the zipper kept getting caught. When the zipper tore a giant hole in Old Purse’s lining, I knew it was time. Time for a new purse. A better purse. One that would stand the test of time. A big purse that will fit all my stuff, but not be to bulky. A purse with easily accessible pockets that will fit my cell phone and ipod easily, but also make them accessible in a hurry. A purse with a shoulder strap, not with the weeny little handles that are so fashionable these days. that force me to use a hand to hold – a hand that could be put to better use fondling yarn, and warding off creepy homeless people! But you and me, we don’t care about fashion, do we? No. We care only for cuteness and comfort.

And then I found you. The light of heaven shone down, and a choir of heavenly angels burst out in song! I wept with joy and gladness.

Then I bought you with the gift card I got from returning the outfit my mother bought me for easter. Even though you were Not On Sale, and broke one of my big red flag rules. You are so worth it.

Oh New Purse, never leave me!

Sadie will make it all better

ESC — Wed, 23 Apr 2008 01:48:51 +0000

I have switched off CNN in favor of South Park because I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE! I JUST WANT A CANDIDATE! I DON’T EVEN KNOW IF I CARE WHO ANYMORE! I JUST WANT SOMEONE TO WIN SO THE DEMOCRATS WILL STOP IMPLODING!

OK then.

continuing the grossness of doom on this blog, here is what Kev had as an appetizer this past friday.

It’s a bowl full of horror, isn’t it? I found them on sale at the farmer’s market, pre-seasoned and pre-cooked, I didn’t have to do a damn thing except put them in a bowl, add some water, and steam them to warm them up in the microwave. Kev was THRILLED. This is about half of them – he ate the rest over the weekend. I have a picture of him sucking the head of one, but it turned out blurry. Just as well.

WHO NEEDS A SADIE CHASER??

see? I don’t ALWAYS put shit on her head!

awwww, she is all tuckered out from the dog park.

ahhh…it’s all better. stories of orifice cleaning are done…primary election stress is leaving…just focus on…the Sadie…yes…the Sadie…