Evilsciencechick » conversations

ahh-CHOO!

ESC — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 22:21:28 +0000

Kev: ow…I think I pulled a muscle when I sneezed.

ESC: you are the ONLY person I know who consistently injures themselves sneezing.

Kev: Nuh uh! People get hurt from sneezing all the time! Like, they break ribs! Or die!

ESC: Don’t you DARE die from a sneeze! OH MY GOD, I will KICK YOUR ASS!

Kev: uh huh.

ESC: I am serious. Seriously. That would be so embarrassing! I’d have to be a widow, and when people asked I’d have to say “Well, my first husband died from…a sneeze!”

Kev: You’d probably laugh, too.

ESC: I’d laugh all through the funeral.

Kev: Thanks dear, I feel very loved.

ESC: I’d cry, too. Then laugh. Then cry.

Kev: Great, thanks. You are not making me feel better. *pout*

ESC: awwwwww…c’mon, you know I’m kidding. You know I love you!

Kev: *tries to walk past me, arms folded, turned away*

ESC: *ATTACK HUG! And kiss*

Kev: You probably have a secret life insurance policy on me, too.

ESC: I do!….but it doesn’t cover sneezing.

How friends will save your work day

ESC — Thu, 28 Jul 2011 01:41:41 +0000

One of the ways I make it through my long work days, aside from delicious cold-brewed iced coffee and interesting co-workers, are the often hilarious conversations I have with my fellow office worker drones over the internets.

ESC: Your trip sounds like it’s going to be history geek-tastic. Take plenty of pictures, and try to refrain from having hot monkey sex on Franklin’s grave. I hear he hates that.

MDP: don’t be so insensitive! She can’t have hot monkey secks on his grave. SHARK WEEK!

SV: OMG, that is SO the beginning of a horror movie. EJ has teh secks on Ben Franklin’s grave during shark week and the blood goes into the coffin and AWAKENS BEN FRANKLIN who is RAISED FROM THE DEAD and wreaks all kind of havoc like solving the famine in Somalia and fixing our broke ass government.

MDP: ZOMBIE BEN FRANKLIN SAVES AMERICA!!

ESC: ZOMBIE BEN FRANKLIN FOR PRESIDENT! HE GETS SHIT DONE!!!

EJ: I would pay money to see that film

MDP: Then the romantic comedy: ZOMBIE BEN FRANKLIN LOVES EJ

EJ: “After he was done saving the world, he fell in love with the girl who resurrected him from the dead. In a way that only zombie Ben Franklin could: he flirted harmlessly with her, then ate her brains.”

ESC: The final battle scene between Ben and EJ’s boyfriend will be EPIC!!!!

MDP: OMG. I am paying money to watch this movie. It will be BEYOND EPIC!

SV: And then Michael Bay will direct the movie

ESC: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

gross miscommunication

ESC — Tue, 09 Nov 2010 01:48:00 +0000

Two things you need to know first:

1. Kev got a job working for a guy who buys houses on the cheap, fixes them up, and rents them out. This guy has made a lot of money doing this for the past 30 years, so Kev is getting a lot of mentoring out of this in addition to a paycheck (yay!). Kev is the project manager for the houses in progress, and the property manager for the houses that are rented out. So he’s doing a lot of handyman stuff, and his car and truck are full of handyman crap.

2. Southerners tawwwlk fuhnnneee.

We’re leaving to go out to dinner – walking down the condo breezeway.

Kev: You’re driving.

Me: maaaan!

Kev: Well unless you want semen all over your ass.

Me: … … …WHAT????

Kev: CEE-ment. Ha! Did you think I said semen???

Me: OH MY GOD HAHAHAHA!!! It’s pronounced ce-MENT, you freak!

geek redneck car repair

ESC — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 03:57:29 +0000

There is a problem with my car where the brake lights don’t go off. One day last week when I tried to leave for work, I was greeted with a DEAD car. Kev was able to diagnose that the little padding thingy that’s on the switch that turns the brake lights on and off with the brakes had worn out.

Yes, those are all technical terms. Shut up.

Temporary fix failed a few days later. SO! Kev is putting on a more permanent fix.

Did he go to the store and buy a new padding thingy?

HELL NO!

Kev: *holds up round plastic thing* I found this! It’s the bottom footing for a computer that I never used! I can zip tie it in place.

Me: *gigglesnort*

Kev: whaaaaat?

Me: Is there any way you can also incorporate duct tape into this fix? Because this is soooo ghetto redneck.

Kev: I can put duct tape on, and then use the zip tie to hold the duct tape in place! What do you think of that?

Me: HAWT!!!!!

Everyone should have a partner so considerate.

twinkle toes

ESC — Wed, 03 Mar 2010 01:27:07 +0000

Watching TV, Kev is at the stove, stirring dinner.

Kev: What’s a twink?

ESC: you know, the sterotypical gay guy you see on tv…floating around…hellloooooo…you look FABuloooouuuus!

Kev: oh

ESC: let’s go SHOPPING!!

Kev: *laughs* OK, I got it.

ESC: And then there’s bears.

Kev: Bears.

ESC: yeah, kind of big burly guys. Like, if you were gay, you’d be a bear.

Kev: *turns to me, puts his hand on his hip* I can float around JUST FINE, thankyouverymuch!

ESC: HA! I’m blogging that.

koo koo ka-choo

ESC — Sat, 27 Feb 2010 06:09:18 +0000

We’re snacking on thin pretzel sticks, and Kev sticks two in his mouth and said he was a beaver. I grabbed two and put them in the sides of my mouth, straight down, and made a hissing noise.

Kev: awwww…my little walrus…

ESC: wh…wha??? walrus???? I’M A VAMPIRE!!!!!

Kev: oh…heheheh…HAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!!!!

ESC: …I…I don’t think 140 characters is going to be enough to convey how offended I am right now.

Kev: HAHAHAHAHAHAOMGI’MGONNAHAVEASTROKE!!!!!!!

We are now having an argument about appropriate length of vampire fangs, and whether or not vampires can “starve to death” like beavers if their fangs are too long…

***Kev would like me to let everyone know that he did NOT hear me hiss. Got that? He didn’t hear me hiss. OK then.*

napping is no excuse for Wiiiii let down!

ESC — Sun, 31 Jan 2010 01:00:44 +0000

Kev has just woken from a nap, I’m about to head out shopping.

ESC: sooo…do you want me to pick up the Mario game while I’m at Target.

Kev: mmmmmmmmrrrrrrrrrAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH*streeeetch*

ESC: what is that?

Kev: grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmm….BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAINS!!!!

ESC: Ok…then…I’m just going to take that as a…yes!!!

Kev: *hits me with pillow*

Now he’s up and going to Target with me. Why doesn’t he ever trust me at Target???

Aretha watches HGTV

ESC — Tue, 26 Jan 2010 00:21:23 +0000

**we’re watching the show House Hunters on TV**

ESC: OK, so, this guy is moving from a quiet neighborhood into the city “where the action is.” So…what do you think his big complaint about the condos he looks at will be?

Kev: noise?

ESC: yep! at some point, he’s going to look out a window or lean over a balcony and say “welllll…it’s kind of noisy here…”

**later**

ESC: HA! HE JUST SAID IT! HE SAID IT WAS NOISY!!!! I WIN!!!!

Kev: what do you win?

ESC: Ummm…I dunno…respect?

Turning into my mom or a crack addict

ESC — Sun, 08 Nov 2009 16:04:59 +0000

ESC: Hey…Kev…you up?

Kev: mmmfffffzzzzz

ESC: Guess what?

Kev: mmfffwutzzz?

ESC: SothismorningIwokeupat8becauseyouweresnoringandIwasgoingtogosleeponthecouchbutinsteadImadeespressoandhadaMOCHA!!!

Kev: oohhhzmmmzzz

ESC: SothenIcouldn’tgobacktosleepsoIdecidedtomakeanapplepie! ImadepieanditsmellssogoodrightnowandIjustcan’tsleep,youknow? Idon’tknowwhy!

Kev: uhhuhzzzz

ESC: andthenIfeltbadbecauseIwastwitteringaboutthepieandmyknitfriendsmightbebutthhurtbecauseI’mnotbringing

thepiesoIthoughtmaybeI’dmakebrowniestooandnowIhavethebrowniesintheovenanditsmellslikechocolateandapples

andOMGdidImentionIalreadyhadamochabecauseIamSOAWAKErightnowandIjusthaveallthisenergywhichisweird

becauseIdidn’tgettobeduntil3lastnightbutWOWI’mawakenowandMOCHA!!!!

Kev: zzzzzzz

ESC: Kev? Are you trying to sleep?

Kev: zzzzz…going….to….strangle….you…zzzz…..

Homemade apple pie! Fueled by MOCHA!!!!

classy bitch

ESC — Sat, 19 Sep 2009 04:50:04 +0000

Kevin is back. Oh, did I mention he spent the week at his mom’s house working on his car? No?

Sorry.

So anyway, Kev is back, we’re lying in bed, and I’m busy greeting him in a manner that is appropriate for a woman to greet her man back from the hunt car repair excursion, when I realize I have to sneeze.

ESC: *looks away* ah…ah…AH…AH…!!!!!! *FPBBRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRT!*

dead silence, as that was totally the wrong end for a sneeze to come out of

Kev: uh huh

ESC: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA OMG I didn’t even know I had to fart, that was totally involuntary, I’M SO SORRYAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAA!

He missed me so much.

*****

More posts and vacation pictures coming soon, I promise!