Well! So the big hadron collider was fired up today.
*looks around*
And the universe seems to have survived it just fine. Of course, they haven’t gotten to the REALLY cool stuff yet. That’ll have to wait a few weeks. But I’m not going to place any crazy bets, or blow my life savings, or anything stupid before then. Because this universe ain’t going nowhere.
How do I know?
I don’t know. I don’t understand A SINGLE THING about how this collider thingy works. Well, I know there are particles. I know they will be going fast, and I know they will be slamming into each other, and that some freaky fun things might come out. But beyond that, it’s miles above my head.
So why am I so relaxed? Do I not REALIZE THAT THEY ARE PLAYING WITH THE FOUNDATION OF OUR UNIVERSE, TAUNTING GOD WITH THEIR HUBRIS AND LIABLE TO RIP THE VERY FABRIC OF SPACE AND TIME????
uhh..what? No. And why?
Because very very very smart people work at CERN. Brilliant people. Who have spent their CAREERS planning for and building this machine. They have studied and prepared and discussed and argued with each other, and I’m sure at SOME point the whole “hey, could we destroy the universe?” question came up and was summarily rejected by people WHO KNOW THEIR SHIT.
Yet there are people out there who hear “particle collisions” after watching one too many movies and losing one too many foil hats and they LOSE THEIR MINDS! OMG MAD SCIENTISTS ARE TRYING TO DESTROY US ALL! And what’s more irritating is that PEOPLE BELIEVE THEM! Because somehow, the opinions of a few nutjobs who know NOTHING about such matters carries more weight than the opinions of the many many many hardworking scientists at CERN.
And this WOUNDS me. Right through the heart. Because that is a common theme today – people don’t trust scientists. Somehow, we’ve gone from “better living through science” to “omg, big science companies are trying to EAT MY SOUL!”
I am going to let you in on little secret: DESPITE the title of my blog, the vast majority of scientists in this world are not evil!
I’m going to let that sink in a bit.
…
…
…
You OK? Maybe you should sit down. Because it’s TRUE! Most scientists are not evil! OVERWHELMINGLY not evil! Even less have visions of world domination! It’s just not practical, as grad students make TERRIBLE minions. Yet in movie after movie, tv show after tv show, there are “evil” scientists, who are greedy and mean. Who will IGNORE terrible risks to life and limb for ABSOLUTE POWER, AND DAMN ANYONE WHO GETS IN MY WAY! BWAAAAHAHAHAHAAA!
And no, sorry. It doesn’t work like that. There is little to gain by destroying the world. There is no funding for killing people. And basically, from a company’s perspective, there is no profit from the bad PR resulting from making people sick.
“but ESC! ESC! drug recalls!
Yep, drug recalls happen. The FDA approval process is LONG AND TEDIOUS. Believe me, because I’ve gone through the NDAs (new drug applications) myself. Testing trials are HUGE, and parameters are STRINGENT. Every detail is accounted for by the FDA (oooh, it’s so nickpicky. To make you WEEP!). But please remember that there are THOUSANDS of drugs on the market right now, and only a few get recalled a year. It’s not a perfect system. If you can come up with a better one, more power to you. Please call the FDA and let them know.
Science is not perfect. It is always evolving and changing as more data becomes available. And that is another reason science is BETTER than speculative opinion! Some mother who read some things on a mommy forum once is ABSOLUTELY CERTAIN 100% that vaccinations cause autism, and there is NOTHING that will ever change her mind. Science is based on data, as new data comes in, theories change, hypothesis rewritten. But that doesn’t make current theories useless. They are based on the ABSOLUTE BEST DATA AVAILABLE AT THE TIME. Which, please understand, should carry FAR more weight than this one time? My aunt’s best friend’s next door neighbor’s daughter cut out sweet n low and her CANCER WENT AWAY, because THAT IS NOT SCIENCE. That is anecdotal, and not statistically significant.
PLEASE people, I IMPLORE YOU! You can be healthily skeptical and still respect the science! Choose scientists over nut jobs. SCIENCE IS NOT EVIL! I SWEAR!
is it wrong that I read, and re-read a few times, your title as a hard-on for science? =P~
What??? I need to re-read this to understand what your are talking about… But I think I get it… Somewhat… BTW – you got an award! Go check out my blog.
See you soon!
Yay! Go you! I know all scienists are not evil – my daughter is/wants to be one.
She is starting a Masters degree in Physics with astrophysics in a couple of weeks and has been glued to the internet watching the news of the Hadron experiment.
No world domination eh?? But what about Pinky and the Brain??????
Do you know what makes me sad about the hadron collision? It won’t get the same coverage nationally televised like police car chases do once they find out something cool and new.
But… but… if they aren’t all evil, does that mean they aren’t all wearing labcoats and goggles and cackling while rubbing their hands together menacingly?
*so bummed*
Has the Large Hadron Collider destroyed the Earth Yet?
I just had to unlurk to share my laugh out loud at “graduate students make terrible minions”. For really good minions you need a horde of undergraduate senior thesis students! The graduate students have gotten far enough along that they’re already working hard on their own plans for world domination
I don’t believe you. I’ve seen Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along Blog. I know the truth….
Dr. Horrible, Dead Bowie, and Fake Thomas Jefferson are going to take over the world… with SCIENCE!!
I dunno, as the wife of a physics professor, I should tell you that *some* of them *are* evil. The part about grad students making terrible minions is completely true, though.
Nanette – now THAT would be just CRAZY. I would never play on words like that
Claudia – yeah, I tend to ramble. Don’t try to follow my logic, this was just a rant of mine that’s been building for a while.
Janine – oh, well I should have said “all scientists are not evil, EXCEPT physicists”
Knitwitch – that’s why I said “most”
Grace – it will only be interesting if something blows up and it makes it on to “world’s most deadliest ‘splosions, next on fox”
Trillian – well, there are lab coats and goggles, but not so much with the cackling. UNLESS you found out that the seminar you’re going to that afternoon has FOOD.
Janice – that made me LOL.
Eyeceknits – or chinese post docs. (please don’t flame me anyone if you are chinese. it’s a JOKE)
Tim – SHHHHH! I’ve got everyone lulled into a false sense of security!!!
Sue – professors are evil, as the only output of their rage is torturing their students.
Well I would like to have know the side wagers in the lab though. Much like the first atomic blast and some side wagers where that the atmospher would burn off.
Not sure how you collect on that bet though.
I know in the computer world sometimes we make side bets on if a new patch to software will case a crash due to the fact you can not test 3 million transactions a day you can only real world that
I always loved the bugs bunny cartoon where he gets washed out of his rabbit hole during a flood and ends up at the Evil Scientist’s castle. With the neon sign on the front, reading “Evil Scientist!” flash “Boo!” flash. That was the one with Gossamer, and the “monsters are SO interesting!”
You mean Water, Water, Every Hare?
Yay Science! I must be insulated in academia because I really only saw one thread on a forum about the Hadron causing the end of the world. I also don’t watch much TV news.
Those physicists are amazing. They’re so sciencey and mathy and incredible. I completely trust them to not destroy existence. Science must move forward! If not, we would still think the sun rotates around the earth and said earth is flat.
I hope when they start slamming particles together that they discover some new elements. I’m really hoping for 118, which should be stable since it’s in the noble gas fam and I propose we call it Hadronium. Just a thought.
Yes, but how do you know that aliens won’t come through now that they’ve gone ahead and done the whole hadron thing? There was a whole Torchwood radio ep about that.
(Also, I tried to type “hadron” four times before I spelled it right. My fingers kept typing “hardon.” Dirty, dirty fingers.
There is little to gain by destroying the world. Poor Brain. All that plotting he used to do….
You’re such a liar we are so all evil.
he he he. . . . i love the CERN stuff. it’s pretty cool because some parts of the accelerator are made by my own company! (the company i work for that is, not one i own!) have you read Dan Brown’s Angels & Demons? CERN is in it, it makes me giggle
Scientists only stand around in white lab coats, chortling and rubbing their hands together when they’re making ice cream using liquid nitrogen.